I WANT MY FREE CAMERA!

Grrrr. Old Navy. GRRRRRR. I SHOULD be writing my letter of complaint to Old Navy, but instead I am growling about it to you. I RARELY shop on Black Friday--or on any of the days immediately following Black Friday, simply because it is usually mayhem and someone ALWAYS gets hurt. I can suffer through those things at home--sometimes even from the [dis]comfort of my own bed, so why would I want to do it in public? So I can get maced over a $5 coupon for soap?! I don't think so. I say this, but a few years ago (four? fivee?) I went with my friend Julie and her family at FIVE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING on Black Friday, and I STILL think I am making up THAT sleep that I lost. Anyway, Julie and her mother and sisters traditionally go out early every Black Friday and I was QUITE flattered that they invited me to be a part of their special day of [tired] fun. I also think it is really sweet that they do this every year and I hope that the crumudgeon in me doesn't take over before I can start a tradition like that with my girls (and boy if he would like to be a part of it). Anyway, the...well, I didn't ask if I could talk about them in public, so let's just call them the Smiths). Okay, the "SMITH" girls did not go willy nilly on the whole shopping experience. No, the SMITH girls had a plan. They went out, maps in hand, ready to conquer Black Friday in Fredericksburg. They knew when they would split up and when they would meet again. They knew what stores were scamming and what stores would follow through on their promises. It was like watching art when the Smith girls were in action on Black Friday. I was proud (exhausted, but proud!) to be a part of their successful Black Friday expedition. The first place we hit that day was Old Navy and as we approached the line, the Smiths noted that they were probably out of the MP3 players they were giving away that year, and even if they weren't, they WOULD be before we were lucky enough to get to the front of the line. Old Navy--a bust, but we didn't let that stop us! I wish I could say the same for this year. My dear friend Natalie and I were debating about whether or not to join in on the madness and if we were going to do it, we were trying to establish a time for the madness to begin. it was 11:30 when we were discussing it and we realized that A. Old Navy was opening at midnight B. They were giving away waterproof cameras and C. Neither one of us had too much wine, so we could TOTALLY go. To be honest, it was while we were commiserating about the fact that we DIDN'T have too much wine that we realized it could be (and probably WAS) a good thing. NOW we could drive to Old navy and get a camera! And we could do our shopping NOW since we were still so awake! THIS would take care of tomorrow's shopping and we wouldn't have to get up at some ungodly hour. PERFECT. Yay for us and yay for Old Navy! Only Old Navy didn't deserve our "yay--" then OR now. So the first thing I see when I rolled out of the car (yes, I rolled. I REALLY ate this Thanksgiving and I was not nor am I now, sorry that I did. It was DELICIOUS and I would do it again. Oh--I DID do it again. And again. And yet again...)sorry! The first thing I noted when I rolled out of the car was the fact that the line didn't seem to have an end. The people at the end closest to the mall entrance were turned around, making it look like that was the end of the line. The people at the other end (which was right in front of the Old Nave storage room door (though I thought at the time that it was just another Old Navy entrance) seemed to be facing the door. Natalie and I walked up to the line questioningly (a word? It is now!), to see what end we were supposed to go to. You would have thought we brought mace to the party or something. One guy scoffed--yes--SCOFFED at me when I asked if it was the front or back of the line and they all rudely pointed out that I needed to go to the other end. Thanks, people. Maybe if you actually FACED the direction of the line it would be more clear. I guess there is no way for them to know that it's not like I am going to go barreling in front of them in line, but I'm pretty sure the guy was a gang member and I was wearing my pepto-bismol sweatshirt and pants (pajamas eseentially) and looked like the only a@# I could kick was my pillow's, and even that would be a stretch). I believe I said something like that aloud as we walked the twenty-something steps to the other end of the line. As I was stewing over the downfall of society, Natalie noted the time. 12:00. 12:10. 12:25. What was the problem? Were we at the wrong door? Nope. 12:35. On our way to the line I noticed mall security circling the parking lot, but I hadn't seen him since we found our place in line. That seemed reasonable. Go away when more people show up--oh--and make sure you're late letting them in becasue THAT goes over REALLY well with angry Black Friday shoppers. We continued to wait. The girl in front of me called an Old Navy in the next town. The woman CLEARLY stated that ALL Old Navy's were open, yet we were clearly waiting outdoors. Why weren't they open yet. Five minutes later, people started to leave. Why? because the people at the front of the line FINALLY found it in them to tell others that when mall security came by he said that Old Navy would not open until 3. IN THE MORNING. Thanks for the update, guys. Grrrrrr. So now we are afraid to leave becasue if we leave, you KNOW they will open the doors, but we HAVE to leave because there is no way in HELL we will be waiting for THREE hours for a camera we may or may not get. GRRRRR--Old Navy! We decided to head over to Toys-R-Us to see if we would be able to get any of the deals we decided to forego for the free camera. Too late. The fifteen mile long line for electronics (it seriously wrapped throughout the aisles of the store--it was IN-SANE) was evidence enough that those deals wouldn't be for us. We had a surprisingly easy TWO HOURS in there, so we decided that since we were up and out anyway, why not head over to--GRRRR-Old Navy? At this point, the mall was open and the line formed inside. It was still a pretty short line (we had waited in a MUCH longer line at the toy store), so we thought it would be worth it to wait. Time check: 2:53--PERFECT. Only by 3:25 we realized it was not in fact "perfect" and Old Navy was going to let us down AGAIN. I walked to the front of the line (we all remember how friendly THEY were two hours prior!) and finally asked a woman who was "mapping out" her plan of attack through the window, if she knew why they weren't opening the doors yet. It turns out that Old Navy would not in fact open at 3--they were now aiming for 4. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I don't even have WORDS and the reason for that is I am FREAKING EXHAUSTED from waiting in line FOR NOTHING at Old-FREAKING-Navy! And if you are like my husband and are thinking, "Don't you HAVE a camera? Because it SEEMS LIKE you are posting THOUSANDS of pictures on facebook each week," you would be right, but THIS camera was [supposedly] waterproof and, oh yeah--IT WAS FREE! I was evidently a depression era survivor in a previous life because I have a problem when it comes to free stuff. Hotels better nail things down before I get there, because I get my money back in the goods I get when I'm there. I'm like an old lady stuffing nonessentials into my purse (yes, the occasional jelly packet has made it's way into the Vera Bradley, but once I had to evacuate because of a grape jelly explosion, that stopped) wherever I go. Continental breakfasts that are included with our stay, quickly turn into the largest breakfast we ever ate, a midmorning snack and lunch-on-the-run, when I am involved. THIS is the person Old Navy was dealing with when they toyed with our emotions and refused to open their doors. THIS is why crazy people with mace are arrested on Black Friday. As for me, I left my mace behind and happily went home to bed. But I blame Old Navy for my exhaustion and lack of motivation this week. I'm sure I will be able to blame someone else for it next week.