ALREADY?!

Thanksgiving. An excuse to eat until you get sick--JUST what most of us need, right? This year I am really looking forward to it as a day to really get in some family time. We've all been a bit...detached lately. I'm not really sure what the problem is--we are so busy doing nothing really, but tomorrow we will FINALLY have some time to sit down and to be a family. After I cook the turkey of course. And after the sides are ready. Oh--and dessert--I tried a new cookie recipe that entails allowing the cookies to chill before baking, so I'll need to bake those tomorrow. THEN it will be family time. Though I really should ATTEMPT to clean the food off of the floor--we have friends coming over and they have certainly been here when our floors have had more food on them than our plates have had,but tomorrow IS a holiday. We should only put out our NICE dirt. Plus, I don't want anyone to get confused and actually start EATING the food off of the floor. My youngest does that and claims the five second rule. She's FIVE (or will be on Monday) and is talking about the five second rule. It's good that we are teaching our children the valuable things in life. The scary thing is, I don't think she is actually eating the right food (off of the floor...as if there is a RIGHT food to eat off of the floor...), because if she were, wouldn't my floor be clean? I really need to break her of this before she starts to do it at school. They are already a bit skeptical of me over the fact that she gnaws her big toe into a bloody stump. I imagine this says something about my cooking--the child would rather eat off of the floor or gnaw her FOOT down to the bone rather than eat my food. THAT is an inspiring Thanksgiving thought...dig in everyone! I am having a problem with Thanksgiving being tomorrow. You see-it crept up on me and I am SO not ready for it. It's not like the actual HOLIDAY is a problem and I'm not preparing for the queen or anything, but back at the beginning of September (when Thanksgiving was a hundred years away) I challenged our friends to a football game on Thanksgiving day. I actually laughed OUT LOUD (people actually DO that--it isn't just a computer abbreviation!)when I typed in "I challenged..." I did it again! The thought of me challenging anyone to anything (except for maybe a "sleep off" or a "talk off") is HILARIOUS to me, but evidently in September it was not. In my mind, if I continued to work out and eat right, a football game would not kill me. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! First of all, regardless of my regimen (which DID NOT consist of doing those two important things), I would NEVER be a football player. EVER. I have never been particularly athletic--even when I was thin. I was a dancer--not the "fun" kind of dancer--I wish! I was never THAT fun (except for that one time in college and then again in grad school, but we don't talk about those times) I took dancing lessons for most of elementary and middle school (much to my father's dismay, since not only did he have to PAY for the lessons...and leotards...and shoes...and costumes...he also had to WATCH all of the recitals. Well, to be fair, he didn't actually WATCH many (if not ANY) of them and a few he was able to get out of with one excuse or another) and played Field Hockey briefly (though I don't know how much "playing" I actually did) in high school. I almost played lacrosse in college, but THAT didn't pan out for me, either. The thing is, I NEED to work out. I LOATHE it more than the average person--I DO NOT have endorphins and if I did, they WOULD NOT show their faces when I work out. My body actually revolts against working out and it ISN'T pretty. My body OR the revolt. I forced myself (I'm not sure how because "force" hasn't been a part of my vocabulary unless it's used in reference to a Nutella container) to work out when I was pregnant the last two times (I worked during my first pregnancy and when I work there is little time for anything else--ESPECIALLY the gym!)and followed through for the first few months. Then I went back to work (no gym--no life!) and didn't visit the gym again until last spring. I KNOW--the math doesn't work out (either! HA! Get it? I need to sleep...). I stopped because I went back to work and when I stopped working I...had three small children at home and felt too crummy to go to the gym. THEN I moved to the other side of the PLANET (sweet Montana!)and REALLY didn't feel up to it. [What feels like}4000 tons later, I realized that it had to be done. So I did it. The problem is, I feel like crap when I work out. I feel like crap when I'm done working out. I even feel like crap just squeezing myself into a sports bra--THAT should count as my workout--it's frightening. Yet in early September I felt compelled to "challenge" (still laughing) another family to FOOTBALL?! TOMORROW?! You wanna know how I've been prepping? First, I've been hitting the gym...at LEAST four times since I made the "challenge." Second, I've been eating like a fat person. I know what some of you are thinking..."Are you a fat person and is that why you are eating as such?" The thing is, I used to look the part and NOT eat the part. It was quite aggravating as I choked down fish twice a week (I cannot STAND any fish that is good for me!) with Quinoa and kale, yet LOOKED like I was popping bon bons and snickers bars. NOW I've been EATING the part AND looking the part! I'm usually pretty good at Halloween--I do not buy candy UNTIL Halloween and I only buy a little. THIS year, I bought it, I ate it, I bought it again...THEN I stole it from my children. I finally broke free from THAT nonsense (there is STILL candy left!) and started on baked goods. I can't seem to go any amount of time without them. first it was because we had friends over, but I feel confident that the goods would have been purchased with or without company. I was going to go Paleo (I WILL be doing that and when I do, you WILL hear about it!), but then I decided that eating everything in sight and NOT exercising would be the BEST way to prep for the "Big Game!" I even pulled into THE PARKING LOT of the Y on more than one occasion and then LEFT. I AM SO TIRED! THAT is what I think when I'm in the parking lot. I've never been this tired before--so tired that I cannot make myself get out of THE CAR! Of course, I spend most of my nights playing "Supernanny" and bringing at least ONE of my three children back to their beds usually more than one (but fewer than TEN)times. That has to count for SOMETHING, right? Right, I'm sure that God is going to give me sympathy points for the First Annual Corwin Football Game and, what? Will let me win? What am I hoping for here? I did go to the gym a few times this week--I wonder if THAT helped?! Let's not talk about the fact that I almost FELL ASLEEP on the treadmill (who does that?!) and the ninety-year-olds were speeding by me on the machines. NINETY. I'm pathetic! But bring on the football. Just because I've been saying (and MEANING) lately that I wouldn't run if I were being chased. Really. I would just think that they must want it more than I do. THAT is a problem, I know. I need to work on my desire to compete if I am even gonna SHOW UP for this game tomorrow. Or maybe I will actually follow through on SOMETHING...maybe I won't run when they "chase" me. Maybe I will scoop up the ball and rest in the fetal position until they pry it out of my hands. Game. Over. OR...maybe I will FINALLY get some sleep tonight and I will FINALLY feel inspired and I will run like a NORMAL person when someone chases me. And MAYBE I will make it to the gym on Friday. Because I have to be honest--I WILL be eating like a fat person tomorrow and I will not apologize for that.