Friday, February 10, 2012

I bet you can think of FIFTY things that taste as good as you feel reading THIS!


According to my "plan" (oh great--now I have to think about that Friends episode and laugh again. That takes up a lot of time...), today is "Friday's Fabulous Facebook Finds" day. I should write about all of the things that other people did to make me laugh this week. According to my "plan," that is. Since we all know that I am about as consistent as my internet signal (N-O-T CONSISTENT...), I'm not sure if my rambling will end with that or not. I guess we shall see. YES--WE shall see. So continue reading and DO NOT click on that little red "x!" Do not minimize so that you can watch or read something better. DON'T DO IT. Thanks!

I left the gym this morning feeling pleased that I stayed for two hours and did a pretty hard workout and feeling crummy that...well...I was at the GYM. I KNOW there are people out there who LOVE going to the gym (Tom, Laura, Heidi...) and I salute you. No, really--not with THAT finger--I salute you the proper way because the world needs people like you to motivate people like me to get our fat @S$#s moving!  If we didn't see other people doing it and having fun, we would NEVER put down the Ben and Jerry's and get to a workout facility. EVER. I know that the more you work out the more endorphins you produce, but I've said this before: ANY endorphins I EVER produced were delivered OUT of me with the placentas. If the first two didn't get them, that last one sucked them up like ME on a chocolate ganache-filled cupcake. IN FACT, my friend Melissa at http://www.adoredbefore.com/ and http://designherbrands.blogspot.com/ wrote an update the other day that I had also posted a bit differently weeks before about this. First, my friend, Tom (not the lounge singer (Tom Jones)--the OTHER Tom (he's the one who makes Tony Robbins look like he's depressed and unmotivated) posted "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" on his facebook page and I thought, "Huh. I guess that's true" and continued thinking about it for days. IN FACT, I think about it EVERY day and I finally posted, "Anyone who thinks that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels OBVIOUSLY has never tasted..."Lindt truffles. Or Nutella. Or lettuce wraps from P.F.Changs. Or Bang-Bang shrimp (or the yummy house salad--and the BREAD) from Bonefish. Or the BREAD and pretty much anything else from Carrabas, dipped in the "Italian butter." Or ANY of my Auntie Jojo's cooking (or my grandmother's cooking when she was alive). Or my mother's cooking back when she used to cook meals--198...SEVEN maybe?  Six? Let's say my mother's cooking circa 1984, just to be safe. Or this amazing doughnut (and the TOMATO PIE!) I had from Jim Main's bakery in Vineland--the outside is just a little crispy while the slightly warm doughnut oozes with the most decadent white filling EVER combined with the smooth chocolate icing...YUM. Or ANY of the baked goods that the Italian bakeries in New Jersey seem to offer. Or Rita's gelato--Swedish Fish with vanilla. Or the filet we used to get at It's About Thyme in Culpepper, Virginia (YES--CULPEPER!) that you could cut with a spoon. A SPOON. That bad boy would turn a vegan into a meat eater in seconds. A SPOON. *SIGH*

OR ANYTHING from Fotis (ALSO in Culpeper, though so many people don't have faith and snub their noses at Culpeper, so they will miss out on these delectable treats) which is run by some chefs who left The Inn At Little Washington (which is supposedly one of the BEST places to eat in the COUNTRY--at least as it was told to me by a guy I taught with years ago who took his wife there for their...twenty-fifth? Fiftieth? I'm lucky I know my OWN...!) wedding anniversary) to start their own restaurant. No one is happier than I am with their decision to leave, as Fotis is a fine dining experience for those who do NOT wish to sell a kidney to get funding. The wait staff treat EVERYONE (Even the jean-clad parents of two (at the time) who spent their day at a pumpkin farm) like royalty which makes the food taste EVEN BETTER. My memories of that place make me much happier than my memories of being skinny. Sorry, Tom!

Of course, when I was SKINNY, I THOUGHT I was fat, so maybe THAT is why my memories are so tainted. I didn't get to ENJOY my skinny days and I REALLY enjoyed my not-so-skinny (yes, I KNOW that means fat, but I'm not as eager to use that word now that I know that it applies to me. Thanks...) days eating what I wanted to eat. That's not to say that I wasn't healthy--I just need to not eat sugar EVER and to work out DAILY. THAT is what MY body needs to look good. And THAT pisses me off. GREATLY. I feel that I want to renegotiate the contract. I will exercise regularly (AT LEAST three to five days a week) and eat everything in moderation and you, body, will look like a person who is exercising regularly and eating everything in moderation. Unfortunately, my body is a bi&%# and didn't agree to my terms. I have to say, for the entire time I lived in Montana (almost two years) I only worked out seven times. SEVEN TIMES.  I did try to be an  EXTREMELY healthy eater when we first moved there, but I was very sick. I would FORCE down fish (can't stand it, but REALLY want to...) and find fun quinoa and bulgur recipes, not to mention the berry, flax seed, spinach, kale banana smoothies I drank with my kids each morning--but I still felt crummy--ALL the time, and when I tried to work out, I was exhausted and sometimes in pain. We moved there a few months after I stopped nursing my youngest, so I went INTO this new "contract" still needing to lose baby weight (from all THREE of my children--don't let me fool you!) and when I lay dormant for twenty-three months--let's just say it DIDN'T help! I gave up on the strict healthy eating because I thought, "i feel like I am dying and there is NO WAY I am going to choke down FISH as my last meal!" There were many days when the only thing I would eat would be a chocolate milkshake I begged my husband to bring home. Take THAT, body!

I had a partial hysterectomy and felt a bit better, but still not good enough to exercise. Of course, the longer I took to "feel like" exercising, the worse my body got. I had ANOTHER hysterectomy (Relax, boys! You KNOW we have the parts--well, I don't have the parts anymore, but there is no need to be shy about this. It's ALL medical...) and felt even better, though I didn't feel like a normal human being until after I was on a steroid that helped me to pack on 30-40 EXTRA pounds--WHILE I wasn't exercising (though I gave up the milkshake diet AND the fish!), so I was a HOT MESS. And by "HOT," I don't mean HOT. At. All. A friend of mine who has suffered from and risen above autoimmune diseases her whole life insisted that they test me for Sjogren's disease. She and a Rheumatologist  I worked with thought that my symptoms (OH-SO-MANY) mimicked those of Sjogren's patients. Long story--LONGER--I went on Sjogren's meds and am now renegotiating my contract with my body. And my body is winning. In my defense, it weighs more.

SO. I've pretty much given up on endorphins AND most of the foods I listed above which I happily reacquainted myself with after my first surgery, however, I am a sucker for a baked good and anything hinting of chocolate. If only...if only those baked goods made me as happy as I would feel if I were to fit into ANY of my fat clothes (YES...my ridiculously "fat" clothes are now too small. YIKES!) or into my old workout clothes that are actually kind of cute. NOW I am a smelly disgusting mess in my mismatched clothes that barely fit when I pick my daughter up after the gym and I don't even have a cute workout outfit because NOTHING is cute in this size AND nothing fits me anyway.

Wow--this went from "hopefully going to be funny," to "not funny at all," to "downright depressing!" Glad I could be of service...
I bet "skinny" feels WAAAAAAAY better than THIS felt while reading it! THAT'S something, right?!

16 comments:

  1. The way I feel is that as long as you keep trying and saying positive then no one can knock that! When I was skinny I wasn't skinny enough and when I was fat unfelt like a grow test pig and felt I needed to wear even larger unattractive clothes bc I wanted no part of drawing attention to all that so my new goal is no goal I plan on trying to be healthy (let's not count those 2 Oreos I just ate) maybe gain some endurance possibly be able to rock a tankini bc this bod will never return to a bikini unless someone anyone wants to support the Erin's extreme makeover fund!?! Haha!! But I've wasted far to much of my life torturing myself about my misconstrued looks lol... I did however once had 5 days in Jamaica where I got to escape all those feeling as my husband and I found ourselves at Hebdoism II resort on a trip his father had won little did we realize what we were in for at this resort that turned out a be a nudest resort we say every shape every size and

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    1. I think that is my worst nightmare. Not only naked me, but naked OTHERS as well--too much for me to take! Clothes were made for a reason...I'm just sayin'...

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  2. Happy Saturday via the Planet Weidknecht Weekend Hop!

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  3. This post is so true! I am at least 20 pounds heavier than I was 10 years ago. And I remember looking back 10 years ago, and thinking I needed to lose weight! I was so skinny then! Then I remember I had two kids and it is the way, it is. I actually feel good about myself now:) Thanks so much for linking up.We do it every weakend and it is a fun time! I also added you via GFC and fb. Have a great weekend!

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    1. Thanks, Melissa and I am so glad that you feel good about yourself now. THAT is where we ALL need to be! I will try to link up again next week--thanks for the info (and for linking up all those other ways that I really need to learn about...);o)

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  4. I think I may have 2 skinny girls trying to get out! I'm trying again. But really? Why can't it be like a movie? I could have the make up people just get me out of the fat suit!?
    : )
    Connie

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    1. Hahahahahahaha! I love it, Connie! My favorite card I ever got was: "They say you are what you eat. I think I will go eat a skinny person!" I know about the movie thing--you can lose fifty pounds AND clean and organize your home in the amount of time it takes them to play a Christopher Cross song (don't know WHY I picked him, but go with it)!

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  5. HI and thanks for stopping by my Saturday's Top 5 Laughs. I added you on GFC and FB. Wow, Culpepper. Hubby and I lived in Alexandria, VA and DC for 5 years and during that time we adopted a cat from Culpepper! I didn't think I would ever hear or read about that place again! Try to enjoy the rest of your weekend and good for you for dragging I mean getting yourself to the gym. You have inspired me to go for a walk after eating fettuccine Alfredo tonight! EEK!

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    1. Wow, Candice, it is RARE that I inspire anyone to do ANYTHING except maybe cry into a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates, so thank you for THAT! Isn't it funny that Culpeper would house two of the best restaurants EVER?! My VA friends were always too busy making fun of it to realize that there probably isn't anything ELSE to do there, so OF COURSE the food would be great! Oh--and I LOVE Alexandria! We lived in Manassas (Warrenton, Fredericksburg) for years and visited Alexandria regularly. LOVED Murphy's for the Irish music night--So.MUCH.FUN.

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  6. At least u get to the gym!!! I just am going to sit on my treadmill and eat a box of Cheez-it snack mix! Keep it up! New follower from wegotthefunk1.blogspot.com! Thanks for visiting today! U you are just as funny :)

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    1. Laura, I'm glad you came up with another use for the treadmill other than coat rack and bookshelf! I had one for ten years and used it maybe ten times a year! The gym thing has now become a necessity, so it isn't that impressive that I am going, but I DO appreciate the encouragement! thanks for the follow back--I look forward to reading more from you!

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  7. Haha, I hate that quote! It's so disrespectful about body types. Skinny? Who wants to be skinny. I, for my part, are ok with healthy. Really ok. Maybe throw in some muscles, thank you very much. I'll have a lindt truffle on that! ^^

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    1. Yaga, you are so right about the "healthy" thing and I think that people don't understand that someone heavier may be just as healthy (if not healthiER than) someone...slender! In fact, I have had friends who felt TOO skinny (SO HARD FOR ME TO FATHOM!) and COULDN'T gain weight. I offered to share, but evidently that is not as easy as it should be! I think that is what the problem is with me now--I struggled so long to try to be "skinny" that by the time I was ready to embrace "healthy," my body rebelled! I try to focus only on health with my kids, but it's so hard since I don't keep them in a box. I REALLY need to revisit the "keeping them in a box" thing--for their own good! And I think it's fair to say that Lindt truffle is good with ANY situation, don't you think? :o)

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  8. I think I could have written this post myself. I had a partial hysterectomy, then a year later had the rest removed and gained some weight. Then, a year ago, I was diagnosed with polymyositis, which is an autoimmune disease where my muscles are being destroyed and the treatment is prednisone. I've been on high doses of prednisone for nearly a year and the weight is just packing on. (I'm also going to be tested for Sjogren's.) All of this has combined to make me fat. I often wish I was as fat as I used to think I was...

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    1. I am so sorry--for ALL of this! Prednisone was my worst nightmare! It even turns out I felt crummier on it, but I didn't realize that until after I [finally] went off of it. My Sjogren's test came back negative TWICE, but I have a friend who has it and said that my symptoms were worse than hers and she was CONVINCED that I had it. I finally asked to get the biopsy done (I think it is a lip biopsy) because not knowing was probably the worst part of it all. My Rheumatologist said he didn't want to put me through that test (though I was definitely willing) and decided instead to just put me on the Sjogren's meds to see if they would work. i couldn't believe it, but they did! I still have some off days (don't we all?!), but I used to spend every day in a flu-like stupor. The meds are Plaquenil and Evocxac (sp?!) and I can tell IMMEDIATELY if I miss a dose of either. Even if your test comes back negative, you may want to go on the meds--my doc said it couldn't hurt to go on them (and they are NOTHING like prednisone, which is my worst nightmare now). The Evo helps with the dry mouth--I am still dry, but without it I have almost no saliva at all and the Plaquenil seems to take care of the achy, flu-like symptoms. I am also on thyroid medicine (isn't everyone?!), though my thyroid tested normal for years. it is frustrating to see how often we are misdiagnosed or not diagnosed at all. I think doctors don't realize that most women AREN'T whiny complainers--we usually only start complaining when something is REALLY wrong and we can't take it anymore! Good luck with your diagnoses and keep me posted. I know you probably hate to talk about it all the time (these illnesses defined me for TOO long! I have friends who ONLY know me as being sick!), but I found that by talking about it with so many others I was able to get more ideas of what I could have and what meds to take and I was able to commiserate with those who were struggling with similar symptoms. I'm sorry this was so long--I hope that it is at least mildly helpful and I hope that you are able to overcome the Prednisone damage. I have an extra 45 (on a body that COULD NOT afford an extra ANYTHING!) that I can attribute to Prednisone--and there was no way I had the energy to do ANYTHING when I was on it. Hopefully they will be able to find something that is a little easier on you for the long term. Take care--and thank you SO MUCH for sharing!

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