Thursday, April 26, 2012

What's the poop? (I need help...)

I think I should warn you that this post may make you sick. Not sick because I am going to hop on one of my many soap boxes and you are sick of it--sick as in I am going to talk about disgusting things. Well, maybe not DISGUSTING things--I guess it just depends on who you are and how you were raised. I CLEARLY was raised in a barn (just kidding, mom, though I believe YOU were the one who constantly ASKED, "Were you raised in a barn?" Conflicting messages--jut sayin')

I'm not really sure what a barn has to do with all of it, just like I am not sure when ANY of my friends or acquaintances had the urge to jump off of the Brooklyn bridge or the desire to buy swampland ANYWHERE let alone in Alaska, but whatever. Or "whatevs." Nope. I can't pull that off. I really wanted to try, but as it stands, word abbreviations (or "abbrevs") don't really work for me. It's okay--I'm pretty sure that the fraction of a second it would take me to let out the final syllable will be well spent, though I appreciate the concern.


My second summer in college I stayed at school since I had four pretty good jobs that needed me (and that I DESPERATELY needed). Yes, JOBS. I find it funny that I used to work three and four jobs AND go to class, yet now I get exhausted cooking dinner, but whatevs. (Yeah, I need to stop that now because it REALLY does not work for me!) A couple of my friends and one of my housemates stayed for the summer as well. This one particular housemate was...a unique girl. Yes, unique is a nice way of saying "crazy," and quite honestly, we were ALL a little "unique." I know that at least FOUR of you are a little concerned that I am talking about YOU right now, but I'm not. You will KNOW I'm not if I EVER get to the story.

So this girl would gag...yes, GAG--if you so much as SAID the word poop. In fact, as I typed that word, I HEARD her gagging from wherever she lives right now. It wasn't just a little gag--it was a serious convulsive gag that indicated that the very SOUND of that vile word reached down into the depths of her intestines and ripped its way back out again. Nice, I know. I guess you can imagine what happened if we actually WENT...pooh (yes, I said "pooh..." again and YES, I do pooh--and so do you, so get over it!) in HER house. This girl had a very strong personality and most of her friends would never go against ANYTHING she said, but one evening I couldn't let it go. The fact that a grown human being could be so very ridiculous made me laugh, so I just kept saying it. Pooh. Pooh,pooh,pooh. POOHPOOHPOOHPOOHPOOH POOHPOOHPOOHPOOHPOOH...sorry, but it needed to be done. Well, I guess it didn't NEED to be done, but I did it anyway. She got so upset that she almost physically attacked me. I mentioned how no one usually went against this girl, but one of her friends was hanging out with us that day and even SHE told my housemate that she was being a little ridiculous. The funny thing is, I don't know why no one told me to stop acting like a five-year-old. Pooh. Poop. Hmmm...

The reason why I brought up this...stinky...topic is because some of you may be my housemate was (though I do not for the LIFE of me know how anyone with children (and she has at least one...) can be afraid of poop. Don't get me wrong--I don't LOVE it--(who does?) and I would play the same  games we all play to get out of changing the poopy (there it is again) diapers, cleaning off...decorated...walls and sanitizing and hosing down EVERYTHING every time my children went on Augmentin  when my children were younger, but poop happens--it does--and if you gag when you even hear the WORD, there really is no hope for you as a parent (unless you have a staff of seven) who actually has to look at it, smell it, and sometimes even touch it (hopefully with gloves). I know--it's disgusting, but what do you want from me? Probably less poop. Got it.

The other night, our family (FINALLY) watched the movie Hop and LOVED it. We were all laughing throughout the film, but the laughter was particularly loud when EB pooped jellybeans. My children laughed so hard that they were crying and could not breathe, when Addison stopped abruptly and said in the most serious voice I have ever heard--from her or anyone--as she looked me straight in the eyes, "If you pooped candy, I would eat it." Funniest. Thing. Ever. Really. I wish I had those magiccam glasses (I don't know if I coined the word "magiccam" or not, but it works, doesn't it?) so that I could just tap the frame and tape our lives because it is impossible for me to convey to you just how funny it was. The fact that she went from hysterical laughter to maniacal seriousness is what REALLY got us--she even repeated herself so that I understood that she REALLY meant it--you know--just in case I ever do poop jelly beans.

Which begs the question, what if you found out that jellbeans (or any candy) were really bunny poop? Would you still eat them? If so, please let my Addie know--so that she will share--she's kind of funny about her candy. And I'm afraid to even THINK about whether she would eat them if they actually had pooh on them, because I'm pretty sure that I won't like the answer. Too far? Sorry. Just tellin' it like I see it...


  1. Don't forget about the Earth Week contest!

  2. Replies
    1. Right?! I'm not sure about her stance on that word or act, but I'm pretty sure there would be convulsive gagging. If she gags over the word vomit, then barf would probably get her, too. What about throw up? Hurl? This would be fun I think...

  3. I've had my whole finger stuck in poop. Whatevs! (Does it work for me? I'm not too sure)

    I haven't watched Hop yet but Bud has and he was sure to mention the part where the bunny pooped jelly beans. I guess that is a very critical part of the movie! :-)

    1. MND it TOTALLY works for you--well done! As for the jelly bean poop, it IS a critical part of the movie--especially when the girl EATS one of the jelly kids are STILL talking about it!

  4. Hahah! That's too cute. Kids can be soo funny. :)

  5. My husband told me that I got it wrong--she actually just said (in her serious voice), "I'd eat your poop..." and after we started discussing it she went on to say what I wrote initially. He claims it is much funnier this way...sorry I got it wrong!


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