Wednesday, October 10, 2012


I ran into a wall today. No, I'm not speaking metaphorically--I LITERALLY ran into a wall this morning. Okay, I LITERALLY danced into a wall this morning. I was zumba-ing like a maniac and as I shimmied back, I heard a thud and realized it was me. If I would have shimmied a little more to the left I would have hit the mat, but I shimmied right into the concrete. Fun times!

This wasn't even in my difficult zumba class--you know, the one with classmates who are not in AARP. If I had done it in that class I would have felt less shame if only because it moves so fast that no one would notice. Instead I did it in the AARP class--most of the members of this class are also in my yoga/body ball class and remembered my tumble into the pipes. I know I've covered falls several times on here, but I still have so many more to share with you. I guess today wasn't really a fall necessarily, but it made the AARP ladies talk. In the next (more advanced) zumba class I look like I am having a stroke each day, but I hope that if I stick with it I will eventually be able to move without falling and endangering others. Hopefully.

It seems like I am constantly hurting myself. I'd like to say that this is new, but I would be lying. My first year in college, my friends and I went out to dinner off campus. The restaurant was Casey's and it is irrelevant, though I needed to show my brain that I could remember it.When I go out to eat, I consume a ridiculous amount of water. I always have, though now we think it is a symptom of one of my medical... anomalies. This particular night  I drank about ten Pizza Hut-sized glasses of water and did not use the restroom. We chatted, I drank more. Chat, drink, chat, drink...leave.

I didn't think about using the restroom until we tried to squeeze into my friend's car. I could have gone inside, but I didn't. First, no one wanted to have to wait for me, and second, I didn't want to go back. I thought I would be fine. We parked in front of the dorm and I hobbled to the door. I was almost home-free, but the combination of an ice patch and my dress shoes sent me flying and landing on my tailbone. There was instantly a puddle surrounding me. I was mortified, but I could not stop laughing which made me pee more. I was laughing so hard, it looked like I was bawling. Some guy friends of ours were leaving the dorm and saw me on the ground. They saw me "crying" and all of my friends laughing. I will never forget my friend Scott's look of disgust as he reprimanded my friends for being so mean to me. 'You guys aren't even going to help her?! Here, Nika, let me help you up..." I remember the terror that ran through me at that moment. "I will not get up," I thought. "...ever!"

I just shook my head at Scott and refused to move. He stayed for way too long as far as I'm concerned, but he finally gave up and left me alone. Maybe the smell of urine was wafting through his nostrils by that point. Even after he left I refused to get up. I truly thought I would sit there forever. I'd laugh, then cry, then sit. Finally my "girls" formed a circle around me and covered my bottom half with jackets and bodies, inching our way to the showers. From that day forward one of my friends (who shall remain nameless, Chrissy!) called me Pee-ka and we would all bust out into laughter. Okay...maybe I didn't  love the nickname at first, but it really was one of the funniest (and admittedly, the most disgusting and embarrassing) things to happen to me. Of course, there are SOOO many things that I have done to try to hurt or maim myself, though few resulted in the laughs after that lovely Casey's dinner...

 Recently we helped our dear friends move. No, we aren't really as good and nice as this makes us sound. These particular friends have helped us with our own move (the husband, we'll cal him Lad, drove our U-Haul across the country nearly killing himself in the process. THEY are good people. WE are just returning the favor!), so it was the least we could do. Because of the fact that I am a walking nightmare and my bazillion (it's a number) illnesses render me useless to the whole moving thing, I was on kid duty. We had a great and fun day and returned as they were closing up the truck. I felt like a big jerk for not being able to help, especially because everyone was singing my praises for doing things like swimming in the lake (fully clothed of course...that's how we roll...), playing at the arcade, and eating ice cream. It was a rough day--I'm lucky I made it!

Event though they had unloaded the truck and the cars, there were boxes everywhere, so I was able to unload some things which helped me to feel more useful. The next morning we wanted to help a little before we had to head home. My friend...let's call her Madaline...and I were talking about where to put everything. She has a gorgeous throw rug that she thought would look great underneath the table in the dining room. Madaline had to deal with cable or phone or something, so I thought I would roll out the carpet (so to speak) and get the dining room done for her before I had to leave. I always want to be that friend who gets things done for you and who makes you feel so happy that I came to "help." Unfortunately, I am the friend who kinda makes things worse and who needs that friend to help me to function in life!

The rug was rolled and taped and seemed easy enough to maneuver. I set it on the table and pulled the tape off of it.Somehow, as I bent down to get the tape off of the bottom roll of the rug, it did a see-saw sort of move, slammed into the ceiling fan (brand new with an extremely thick brushed glass light cover on it) and fell on my head. Yes, my head. As it was falling, I saw Madaline enter the room, a look of horror on her face. I was pretty sure that I looked like Carrie at the prom, but luckily, no blood was drawn. I had shards of glass covering my upper extremities and was a little afraid to move or to blink, but I came out of it with two cuts on my forearm that make people question whether or not I'm a cutter. other than that (and an enormous bump on my head), I was fine. The ceiling fan, however...that had seen better days!

So much for being the friend who helps! I'm more like "...the friend who ruins your things and then gets hospitalized..." No one wants to be that friend! At least I didn't pee, right?! 


  1. I couldn't stop laughing as i was reading...and went back 20 something years in time! Thanks for the re-telling of one of the many hilarious stories from school!!

    1. I will NEVER forget it! Too bad it lost something in the retelling of it because people should know JUST how funny it was! And how the HELL has it been TWENTY years already?!

  2. Great Post!
    Uhm... wondering. Does the word 'accident prone' mean something to you? I know what you mean, clumsy is not the right word to describe it. More like... "Some do have'em".
    Love your writing style!

    1. Actually, I thought that "Accident Prone" was my NAME for years! Thanks for the compliment on my writing--I've felt like I lost "it" recently, so it is nice to know that at least one person maybe thinks I've still got "it..." or at least some of "it..." What am I talking about again?!


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