MY Kind of List

I've decided that instead of making a "To Do" list, I am going to make an "I [will] Never" list and am checking off the item if and when I've done it. THIS way I will feel like I am ACTUALLY accomplishing something. 1. I Will Never...allow my children to eat junk food. Check. For breakfast. Check. For all three meals in one day. Check. Check-check. 2. I will NEVER let my children sass-talk me. BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's just not even worthy of putting a check by it because it is SO ludicrous! I think they each came out of the WOMB with an attitude! 3. I will never "diet" again. Check. 4. I will NEVER eat another carb again. Bahahahaha! CHECK. 5. I will NEVER NOT eat another carb again.Check. 6. I will NEVER say hurtful things to another human being. Check. 7. I will NEVER say (or WRITE) bad things about my children. Check. 8. I will NEVER say hurtful words to my children. Check. 9. I will NEVER say hurtful things to my husband. Check. 10. I will NEVER say hurtful things about my husband. Check. 11. I will NEVER imagine suffocating my husband with a pillow. Check. (Though I don't think I actually SAID it...it NEVER came up in my thought process and probably NEVER should have...) 12. I will NEVER allow my children to watch shows that aren't educational or beneficial in some way. Check. 13. I will NEVER let my children watch shows that are not meant for their age groups (ie Sponge Bob, iCarly...) Check. 14. I will NEVER use the television as a babysitter. CHECK. 15. I will NEVER give my children candy. Check 16. I will NEVER give my children lollipops. Check. 17. I will never convince myself that the "cherry" in the lollipop counts as fruit. Check. 18. I will NEVER let my children play outside unattended. Check. 19. I will NEVER let my children ride a bike or a scooter without a helmet. Check. 20. I will NEVER judge another mom. Check. 21. I will NEVER become defensive of my parenting because it isn't anyone else's business anyway. Check. 22. I will NEVER spank my child. Check. 23. I will NEVER let my child get away with MURDER because I feel guilty for spanking him. Check. 24. I will NEVER try to pit my children against one another so that I don't have to be the one to discipline them. Check. 25. I will NEVER let my children live like slobs. Check. 26. I will NEVER let my children become spoiled. Check. 27. I will NEVER...let my children have ice cream for dinner, tell my son that he SHOULD run away--I don't blame him, laugh AT my children--not WITH them, use sarcasm with my husband or children--BAHAHAHAHA! Do I not even KNOW myself?! Leave the dishes for more than a night, leave the laundry for more than a night, rewash the same load of laundry more than twice. More than THREE times. More than FOUR times, lose myself in my family, let myself REALLY go, put my health and well-being last, lie to my children, believe ANYTHING my children tell me, leave my children in the bathtub alone--even for a second, a minute, ten minutes,until I hear gurgling from them going under, allow my children to ride in a car without their car seats,let my children chew sugary gum, let my children's schedules dictate my schedule, let my children sleep with me in my bed, let my children sleep with me more than once a week...let my children sleep with me more often than not, spend HOURS on the phone/computer instead of being with my family...I will NEVER be like my MOTHER. CHECK. I feel so accomplished. I've NEVER had so many things checked off of a list. I think I may be on to something...