Friday, January 27, 2012

Everything (well--almost everything) is stolen...

There are SO MANY THINGS for me to discuss, I don't know WHERE to begin! FIRST, I have to address the fact that someone on facebook must have plagiarized my blog. Tell me THIS doesn't sound just like most of what you read on here EVERY time I write something:

Tony Truscio's Photos

I would take action, but--LOOK--something shiny! Where was I again? Oh--facebook. So I want to create "tabs" on my blog and I have NO IDEA how to do it. One tab I want is "Funny Facebook Findings" (I know--it's overkill on the alliteration--I LIKE it, so leave me alone!) and another is "Funny movie/TV quotes." I know--that one needs work, but I'll have time since I HAVE NO IDEA how to do it! I also want a tab for Braydenisms, Ryanisms and Addisonisms(?) Addieisms...? There are others, but I really hate when people say what they are GOING to do instead of simply DOING. That said, I would like to share some funny facebook findings with you. Don't go--even if you HAVE seen them splattered all over my facebook page and again on yours, you MAY learn something new and you MAY even LAUGH. OR you will be bored out of your mind and annoyed that you will never get this five minutes back. It's hard to say, but why not give it a chance?

The first thing on my list is a headline from LifeScript (which I don't even REMEMBER what it is or WHY it is sending me facebook headlines, but anyway). It reads: 

Now Demi Moore is rumored to have a substance abuse problem. Why do so many celebs get into the addiction cycle? 

Really, LifeScript? REAL-LY?! We are now able to write things like "...RUMORED to" followed by questioning celebs and their drug usage based on...RUMORS now?! I do not have any feelings for or against Demi Moore, I just have a BIG problem with the fact that we can now readily admit that we are basing the terrible things we say about people on rumors instead of fact. It used to be that writers had to at least PRETEND to have solid proof. Now they are just like, "Listen to THIS rumor...can you BELIEVE celebs have these drug problems?!" Speaking of DRUG problems...:

David Hughes

I LOVED this when I saw it and isn't it SO true?!  We've blurred the line between parenting and abuse and even made it so much more difficult to parent now. Everything I do is met with guilt and uncertainty and I am P-R-E-T-T-Y sure my parents didn't have that problem. Insecurity is not a helpful trait to have when raising little people. Just sayin'  

Talking about insecurity, my friend's daughter and the tiger in this picture seem to be just secure enough:
Liz Kapelus

  Speaking of HUNGRY...

...NOT that the tiger is hungry. I'm pretty sure my friend's sweet daughter is, because aren't kids ALWAYS hungry when you take them to the zoo or...ANYWHERE that isn't your kitchen table for an actual MEAL that a parent has prepared?!

How about THIS:

 Jackie Connolly's photo

As a crazed lunatic mother trying to keep it together, I can't help but think of horribly sadistic things to make me smile. YES, SMILE. And laugh. Out loud. To steal a line from The Middle (Which you REALLY need to be watching if you aren't already) "Don't judge ME. People do Meth!"  (And they DO).

If I don't get a laugh out of someone else's pain, I get one from being incredibly goofy. For example,

Tom Jones's photo


Mobile Uploads

I am actually ASHAMED to admit to how often I repeat these lyrics in  a week. SOOOO ASHAMED...

Speaking of shame, here's an idea

Tony Truscio's photo

for those in your life who may draw shame for one reason or know--maybe this person has a blog that rambles on AND ON...or something like that...

 My last few favorites speak directly to my life.

I'm pretty sure this is MY fridge. Oh no--wait--there isn't disgusting food growing on the outside of it and there is actually a message of SOME kind indicating that someone ANSWERED the phone and took a message...

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I get most of my laughs from facebook status updates, though now that I am blogging, I don't keep track of them as much. My friend, Jim kept me entertained for over a year with his updates. I seriously looked forward to them every day until the facebook intervention of 2009.  At that time I was given a limit as to how much facebook time was considered unhealthy. I was about five times OVER that number, so I broke away from checking updates. 

Today, Jim wrote:  
Sometimes I get emails that have so many possible sarcastic responses that I'm just overwhelmed and I have to answer them seriously. I call this irony paralysis.
I call THAT extremely funny. AND extremely true. 

Yesterday he wrote:
"OK so until Tom told me just now that it was real, I thought this line that Newt Gingrich wanted to build a city on the moon was some kind of joke. Seriously people that guy is batshit effing crazy. Santorum would be a better president."

I love this more because I find Jim to be one of the most intelligent voices when it comes to politics and he usually stays pretty level. And if he is calling for SANOTORUM over Newt, trust me--there's a problem!

My friend whose daughter I have never met. but am convinced is somehow my daughter, Ryan's twin,  frequently posts about her conversations (and I swear she needs to write a book with the same name)
‎"Noa, can you bear to buy the hot lunch at school today?"
"Good, because I'm running really late and that will save me a lot of time."
"Wait! What does 'bear to' mean? Can I change my answer?"

"FromtheBackSeat: "I don't want to have only one life!"
FromtheFrontSeat: "Well, some people believe in reincarnation."
FromtheBackSeat: "But I don't. Plus, I would want to know all the same people I know in this life. And when you get old you get forgetful. So in the next life I wouldn't recognize anyone."


OutforIceCream: "Noa, will you share some hot fudge with me?"
"Why not? I always share with you!"
"Mom! Just think of how long you were alive before I came along and all the hot fudge you had all to yourself!"

Or this from my friend Jen's son who sounds like he is going to be the next Michael Corlione:

"Will is on a roll tonight. He's calmly refusing to go to bed (finishing a new puzzle on the kitchen floor). He says, "I'm just here to have fun, Mom--not to complain. That's what kids do--we have fun. Unless you don't let us do what we want. Then we get agressive. And then you have to be careful with us." Uh--should I consider this a threat?!"
This I took from my husband's friend, Don:

"I volunteered in Alex's kindergarten class this morning. I took three things from my experience. One, kids are awesome! Two, teachers don't get paid enough. And three, I miss being in an environment where picking your nose is socially acceptable."

...and his friend, Julie shared this:

Dylan's refering to his testicles as his 'consequences...'" 

To which I responded:

 If only more boys felt like that...(Just kidding!)

I included the "just kidding" because this week has been full of defensive people who don't yet know that I think pretty much EVERYTHING is funny and a joke (Unless it's from my husband. Or my children. Or if it's REALLY early. Or late. Hmmm...)

Speaking of private parts and people justifying  their jokes, take a look at this post stolen from my friend, Tricia's page:

Some people are really just ungrateful boobs no matter how much you bend over backwards for them and go above and beyond. Nothing will make them happy.
  • .
    • Maybe they weren't breast fed enough as infants, thus making them unsatisfied in life. Ironic that you called them boobs, don't you think?
      Wednesday at 10:36am ·  ·  2
    •  Unfortunately I dont there is any correlation between my boobs and them...
      Wednesday at 10:37am ·  ·  1
    •  ooooooooooh sooooooooooooo not what I meant! I meant the boobs I have dealt with... lol
      Wednesday at 10:37am ·  ·  1
    •  Now this is funny!
      Wednesday at 10:38am ·  ·  1
    •  Boobs make me happy
      Wednesday at 10:43am ·  ·  1

    • At least NOW you are laughing--at least I am laughing anyway...
      Wednesday at 10:55am · 
    • I hope you know I am only joking, and it was all meant to just make you laugh.
      Wednesday at 10:56am · 

    • I don't know who could read this and NOT laugh!
      Wednesday at 11:08am · 

This made me laugh (from my friend at The Joyful Jungle):

 "Emma and her little friend from school decided tomorrow would be a great day for a play date. Problem is, neither of them know their phone numbers, last names or addresses."

The next two appeal to my former life as an English teacher and a student who actually CARED about how many spaces there should be between sentences.



Did you click on it? DID YOU? Good. My friend Melissa (find her at Adored Before and  Designher Brand) touched on grammar in this update:

"We're at the point now where punctuation is all but ignored in text conversations. Capitalization, you're on deck. Spaces, you're probably next."

I stole this next update from Juliana (a woman I respectfully call "The Child Whisperer" because Brayden was lucky enough to have her mold him when he was a toddler):

"The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson."

How about my own post last night:
Braydenisms:" Do you have to PAY to get a job? Then why doesn't EVERYONE have one?" "When I get older, I am gonna stay home and make my wife work. That is if anyone WANTS to marry me!" "Remember when we lived in our "mansion" and Daddy just stayed home and played on the computer? Now YOU just stay home and play on the computer..."

And that is JUST what I am doing, isn't it?! I will close on this quote I stole from my friend Gayle at 

The Farmer's Daughter of Fredericksburg:
"I think this quote is so applicable to motherhood: 'The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes selves with everyone else's highlight reel.'"

As long as we are all as happy as THIS girl (or her camel) at the end of the day--or EVER-- life is good!


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