Thursday, April 19, 2012

So Thursday sucked...

Let me first start with, everyone is okay. I think it is important to start with the positive and to sugar coat the negative as you casually slip it into the conversation. My husband does the opposite. Example? The doctor was only going to call me if he found something wrong on my MRI. I had actually forgotten about it and a few days later, while talking to my husband he casually mentions, "Oh--I forgot to tell you to call your doctor back about your MRI."  Huh? "When did he call?" "The nurse called yesterday or the day before..." "Oh. Well--I guess I should call..." Silence...at least on the line. It was anything but quiet in my head. "Oh--she said it was nothing to worry about--the MRI is fine--she just wants to talk with you about it." "REALLY?! You couldn't lead with THAT?!" I have had far too many of these episodes in the last thirteen years, so I almost always try to lead with the part of the story that the mind of a human would naturally go to. Like, "Is everyone okay?" and in this case, everyone IS okay.

It seems that I will go to unbelievable extremes to get out of going to the gym. Tuesdays and Thursdays I take a strength and toning class (sorry--I laugh every time I say that because those two things (strength and toning) have not been a part of this body for years. Anyway, after my class, I meet my friend Beth and we walk 2.2 miles together while experiencing our version of therapy. Unfortunately, this morning (which was measuring up to be a great one I have to say) I crashed the car. Not the falling apart minivan that has no door handle--and collision insurance--the Navigator which was in GREAT shape and was without collision insurance. Yeah, that kind of bites, but at least everyone was okay. At least as far as we can tell.

My son is complaining of hearing the crash every time he tries to turn his brain off or when he's not watching TV. I feel awful that I caused my child to have PTSD symptoms at the age of eight. I feel awful that my three babies were screaming in terror as my car spun around and I could do nothing to stop it. I feel awful because I am supposed to keep them safe. I feel awful because my son was not in his booster seat--my husband and I traded vehicles this morning (thank GOD--if we had been in the minivan, we would all be dead) and we have three car seats in the van, but only two in the truck. Brayden is tall enough and is over eight, but he weighs only seventy pounds. Dave always laughs about the fact that the kids need to weigh eighty pounds to get out of the booster. He says that he would have gone to the prom in a booster seat if that law had been in place--he didn't break a hundred until college. I'm pretty sure that the same logic would hold true for MANY girls in my high school--and probably a few moms out there now! LUCKILY, I never had that problem!

The seat belt did its job and my Brayden was fine, but I can't help but think about how bad it COULD have been and am sick over the fact that I drove without him in the booster. To turn around and see the nightmare in my children's faces as our smashed-up vehicle lay smoking in the middle of the intersection and they sat in their seats, screaming for me and crying in fear will never leave me. I'm not saying that I will hold onto this and never heal from it--that would be stupid. My children need a mother--not a zombie who is afraid to live because of an accident. Like Brayden, however, I can't stop my brain from zooming in on their sweet voices and frantic cries. I know that people suffer through much worse than a car accident that did nothing but destroy a few cars and a family's sense of security. I know that people fight for their lives--their children's lives--and remain strong every single day. My job is to keep them safe and to help them to feel secure. That is what motivates me to be as mean strict parental as I am. What happened today REALLY did not help in my quest for parental sanity.

The BEST part of today was when my son offered, "You can have my twenty-five dollars to get a new car, Mom--I don't need DS games" when my Ryan said (as my husband drove us to her softball game and passed the corner where we crashed nine hours prior), "It's a good thing we didn't crash AGAIN!"  and Addison added, "Pwease don't cryash again--we didn't like dat, did we Mommy?" No, we didn't. Not even slightly. I'll tell you what I DO like, however. My family. My sweet babies--the same three babies I whine and complain about on a regular basis who (when it comes right down to it) are three amazing little people. They are brave and strong and amazing and THEY help ME to keep it together when I feel like falling to pieces. Will I still complain about them? Pshaaaaaah! Of COURSE I will--it's what I do. But I need it to be known that as much as they may make me crazy, it's mostly because they are trying to mess with my plan to keep them (and others) safe and in tact, not because I don't think that they are three of the most kind-hearted, polite, brilliant, and beautiful babes to ever walk the earth. THAT my friends goes without saying.

14 comments:

  1. I am so sorry you had such a terrible day!! Thank goodness you have your little ones and they have YOU!!!

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    1. Thanks--I don't know how lucky THEY feel to have ME, but I certainly appreciate the compliment and feel blessed to have come out of it virtually unscathed!

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  2. Super glad that you are all safe! I ran a red light the other day taking the kids to swim lessons. I wasn't texting or talking on the phone...I was just driving along thinking about everything but driving. I was only throttled into reality when a minivan was about to crash into me and I was lucky enough to swerve and miss. I thought about it for hours and was so upset that I was not present in that moment with my kids in the car. My son noticed I was still thinking about it and asked if I was OK. I commented that I was upset that I had made a mistake and he commented "I feel the same way when I make mistakes. It can't stop thinking about it." Then he said - "Don't worry mommy (my partner JoAnna) has ran like 3 red lights with me in the car!"

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    1. Shelley, I have done that far too often--my brain is five hours ahead or five hours behind and when I finally reach my destination I don't even remember the drive there. I'd like to say that this experience scared me into being much more attentive, but I (sadly)seem to have no control over my drifting brain. And how funny is your son?! LOVE him!

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  3. Wow Thursday sucked is putting it mildy!!! I am so happy to hear that you are all ok!!!! & that seriously is the most Important thing!!! If you need to run any errands tomorrow I' have nothing I have to do from 12-3... Also hope everything is fine with the MRI... Some of us just seem to get these never ending tests that don't always make much sense but just have to push through them and hold on to all that is good.. Can never forget when I was driving a 1991 minivan on my way to work at this awful job I had a acme after having the kids all day and just finished dinner left the development we were in got on the highway got up to 40 miles per hour and my CV shaft snapped and blew my tire out and I cane centimeters from hitting a telephone pole! I was such a wreak and I hadn't really even offically crashed! (btw this was in 2005 LoL)... Then once the initial shock was over that I wasn't hurt or dead all's I could think is I was so screwed with no car... But everything did work out and we made it threw the crap times so just hold on it will work out!! Sending prayers you way!! (Erin Federico)

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    1. Oh, Erin, thank you so much! If only we could remember during the crummy times that eventually those crummy times turn into memories that make us laugh. It would be nice to just fast forward to the time when it doesn't make you cringe anymore, wouldn't it?! I appreciate the offer for yesterday--we pretty much stayed put until we went out to look for another vehicle, but it was so nice of you to offer it! Thanks again!

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  4. So scary!! Thank goodness everything (and everyone!!) ended up OK! I often think the same thing about my girlies. And the more they drive me INSANE, the more I realize just how much like me they are, and love them that much more!! Holding my glass high to you that tomorrow is a better day!!

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    1. Thank you so much for that raised glass--Friday was indeed better because of it! Isn't it funny that the things that drive us the craziest about those we love are the things that are most like ourselves?! Did that even make sense? Anyway, thanks again!

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  5. So glad none of you were injured!!! Car accidents are always very scary! Your kids are awesome though, I love that your son offered you money to pay for the car! That is so sweet :)

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    1. Thanks, Lenae! He really does crack me up and when it comes right down to it he really is so great! I need to remember that when he is pushing and pushing and pushing...thanks again! ;o)

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  6. Oh man! I'm so glad everyone is ok! That is soooo scary!

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    1. Thank you--it was pretty scary, but luckily they are pretty resilient! Two days later and it's like it never happened!

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  7. So glad you're all ok. I remember when you & your siblings & cousins were all in the car & I was backing out of the insurance agents driveway! You were all singing & whatever when I backed right into the agent's neighbors car across the street! We were in a van, & it STUCK to the little car across the street. Thought I'd never get over the scare of what could've happened [I wasn't paying attention to the road, only to the kids!]. I never forgot it, but did get over it & you kids did too. Brayden is such a doll [as well as his sisters]! That's because of his terrific parents. BTW, I tried to call you & again, the # I have is wrong!

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    1. Well the good news about this is that I have absolutely no traumatic recollection of this (it must have gotten lost somewhere between the memories of the Mustang/clown car (because there were so many of us IN that little car!) getting pulled over on the bridge or getting my big toe slammed in the car door on the way to the swim meet!), so maybe the memory will fade for the three of them, too! I'm not so sure about the whole "terrific parents" thing, but I'll take it--thank you!

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