Monday, December 5, 2011

Do you ever wonder what it is I am even TALKING about? Always, you say?

I went to the gym today. I decided that I am going to start EVERY post with this news--IF I do indeed make it to the gym. I know most (okay, probably ALL--except for maybe my aunt or my mother IF they are even READING this!) of you do not care AT ALL about whether or not I go to the gym (unless I share a story like the time I was at the gym with my friend, Kristen and we were chatting while on the treadmill (Our own individual treadmills. Obviously.) and suddenly I was holding on to the bars as my legs were dragging behind me yelling like a lunatic. I think Kristen was yelling, too and then after what seemed like hours, she was able to turn off the treadmill. The funniest part (okay--THAT was the FUNNIEST part...the WEIRDEST part) was that no one...I mean NO ONE even looked up from their machines or the front desk or anywhere, to see what the commotion was. It wasn't like we were tucked away or anything. We were in a huge open gym (about twenty feet from the front desk) called American Family Fitness and it is enormous, but open. There were people close enough to hear. LUCKILY they didn't care--AT ALL! I ended up with a gnarly gash on my leg THAT HURT LIKE A MOTHER--a bruised arm and a crushed ego. Have I mentioned how much I HATE the gym?!), but if I start with this information--even if it does not fit into the rest of my post--I will at least have SOME motivation to get there. Health isn't enough of a motivator for me because my psyche is five and still pissed about all the time it DID spend at the gym without any rewards at all. I keep telling [my psyche] that it was a good thing I WAS going to the gym regularly at that point because I could be SO MUCH worse right now, but my psyche does not believe that I could be ANY worse and is pissed at my whole general make-up. My psyche looks at other psyches and has psyche envy. It wonders why WE can't have good genes and why WE can't live on a diet of chocolate and...well, chocolate. I understand completely. THIS is why I need to trick us into being motivated for OTHER reasons and those "other" reasons are all of you(Or BOTH of you...)who are reading. I have a few friends who are ALWAYS at the gym AND they are ALWAYS happy,so you would think there is a direct correlation between the two, but there is not. It is merely coincidental--it has to be, because going to the gym makes ME angry. It wasn't ALWAYS this way--I used to be okay with actually going (though I NEVER loved it nor was I ever EXCITED to go. I started to get pissed THEN because I knew so many people who did NOT go to the gym, who abused their bodies, and they looked FANTASTIC. Not. Cool.), but when I started having health issues and vowed to eat healthier and workout more regularly, I got even worse. I KNOW it was not BECAUSE of the gym. I KNOW that working through the pain would have been BETTER for me, but INSTEAD, I stopped. Completely. For two years I did NOTHING. Well, I had my children (then 4,3 and 2!) with me, so that's SOMETHING, but I did not partake in any activity that was solely for the purpose of exercising. Okay, maybe I went on a bunch of walks, but you get the point. I was recently [kind of] diagnosed and am being treated for my bazillion ailments (it's like I am NINETY), so now it's time. I said it was time last April when I JOINED the gym, but evidently what I meant then was: "It is time for me to open the door just IN CASE I WANT to go to the gym MAYBE three times a week" and I DID--go about three times a week for a while. The problem is I planned to go every day. THEN in the summer I did not go at ALL, but I swore that EVERY TIME I was in the pool I would be sure to be moving constantly. I actually stuck to that on most days, but it turns out I needed more. MUCH more. I already told you about my "training" for the big Thanksgiving football game/capture the flag--four or five times at the gym from August to November--so sad--and two of those days were the Monday and Tuesday BEFORE Thanksgiving--so my new motivator is you. I will be sharing on here IF I go each day and my goal is to bore the hell out of you with this information each day. You're welcome. The OTHER thing I wanted to tell you about is that I want to start reviewing television shows. I am a TV-HEAD. I seriously LOVE too many television shows and get WAY too attached to them. I'm still smarting a bit because of shows that were pulled in '04 and '05 and believe that my "friends" from those shows are off living a wonderful life in the land of forgotten sitcoms and/or dramas. My husband is just as bad as I am. We DVR EVERYTHING. In fact, we are almost at capacity (we have 4% left!) on our DVR because we tape SO MUCH. It really only makes sense--do you know how many OTHER shows we can watch if we eliminate commercials?! It's BRILLIANT! I also have my guilty pleasure shows--those are the shows I am either A. EMBARRASSED to watch (ANY show that has "houswife(wives)" of ANY kind--deperate or otherwise in the title or 2. Shows that my husband doesn't watch because he knows we watch WAY too many already (Once Upon a Time...Revenge) and THESE shows I generally watch On Demand. We actually HOPE that some of our new shows get cancelled each season just so that we can have an easier lineup, but most of the shows we choose (ANY CBS crime show and USA/TNT comedic dramas fall into this category) stay on FOR-EVER. We even tend to stick with a show far past its shelf -life, hoping it will pull through in the end. Suburgatory is one of those shows. It isn't quite funny, but it isn't terrible either. We aren't sure what to do with it, but we DO know that every time we watch it we want our twenty-two minutes back. Up All Night is the same. These are shows that are funny in THEORY, but in actuality, they are just circling the funny drain. I know this may seem extensive for a grown man and woman as far as television goes, but when you have three ridiculously exhausting children, you just want to be able to veg out on the sofa each night and have someone else do the entertiaining for you and you DON'T have time to waste (THANKS A LOT Suburgatory). SO at the end of the night when Whitney's sassiness is up against Coach's new gig as a hippie father and grandfather to Lorelai and that guy who is always on Punk'd, it would be helpful to hear from a crabby-gym-going-gal who happily assesses shows like Suburgatory to save me from wasting my time. I've decided to BE that gal--it's for the greater good and although I may not be motivated to do a whole lot, I DO like to advise people on important things like television. That's just the kind of gal I am. Oh--and I am evidently the kind of gal who uses the word "gal," though I really need to modify THAT sometime soon.

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