Thursday, December 1, 2011

Do YOU "looklikewhodiditandran"?

The other night as I was barreling through toys to get to my bathroom to get ready for bed, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and actually gasped in fear. Like I had seen some horrible monster or something, but the monster was ME. I shudder to think of it and I REALLY shudder to think that the same thing would happen right now if I were to waddle over to the mirror that is five feet away from me right now. But I don't WANT to look in that mirror. Or any OTHER mirror for that matter--unless it is a MAGIC mirror that can shave off fifty pounds, fix my split ends, apply just-enough makeup to look good and not trampy and get rid of the bags that are cemented under my eyes. Oh--and cook dinner. I mean, WHILE it's here... Seriously, though--I only caught a glimpse and thought "I look like 'Who did it and ran?'" and "I look like I was 'rode hard and put up wet," two sayings I A. NEVER thought I would hear again and 2. NEVER. EVER. Thought I would say and MEAN about myself. The first saying goes back to Snooki (who, now that I am trying to get people to actually LISTEN to me may find out and get offended by that name...it is SO GREAT that I am no longer a person who CARES about S*@! likr that! Oh--and if you don't know about "Snooki--my version" refer back to the "Chin Hair" post. I would rather forget it...) in college. On a daily basis SOMEONE would "looklikewhodiditandran" and it was HILARIOUS! It became part of our slang and though I still THINK it on occasion--I NEVER SAY it! One of our housemates commented about "...whodiditandran..." on facebook the DAY AFTER the nightmare in the mirror--like she KNEW I wanted to write about it. SO WEIRD. The thing is, I am ALWAYS writing a blog in my head. EVEN WHEN I WASN'T BLOGGING I "wrote blogs" in my head and I would REALLY crack myself up (still do)! The problem is, I waste most of my REALLY funny stuff on...well, the inside of my head because the SECOND I fall asleep, get out of the shower, leave the bathroom (we ALL use the bathroom Snooki, so take it easy!),escape the madness that is morning...whenever I am ABLE to type, I either A. forget what I wanted to type or 2. WORSE--remember what I wanted to type and then type it out in a MUCH less entertaining way than I did in my head. So that is definitely the case with "Who did it and ran--" You would have LOVED the first thing I "wrote!" As for "Rode hard and put up wet," this is a phrase that a friend of ours in Charlotte used to say ALL the time. Anyone who looked tired, had on a lot of makeup or maybe could lose a few punds fell into this category. The thing is--MY FRIEND who SAID it fell into this category, so I found it funny that she would call out OTHERS on it! Don't get me wrong--I'm sure I could use it to describe some people now and I CLEARLY am the poster child for BOTH phrases, but KNOWING you are a part of it is different. SAYING it about others and THINKING you are above it--THAT'S a problem. Which brings me to ANOTHER blog I "wrote" in the shower about hypocrisy. It was AMAZING...at least in my head! Maybe tomorrow I will try to put it on the screen...I need a device to link to my brain that will TYPE what I am THINKING for me. If THAT isn't the LAZIEST thing you have EVER heard, then we REALLY need to hang out more...

2 comments:

  1. Seriously, I think of some of the best blog posts in the bathroom. I'm not even talking about extended visits, just the quickest of trips gives me great inspiration (I try not to analyze that too much) but by the time I get to the computer POOF! No more ideas. Sigh. I'm with you on the brain linking thing!! Let's set up a play date...

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  2. I would SAY it's because it is the only time you are alone, but if your life is ANYTHING like mine, that is not the case! My first book is going to be called, "If only I could poop in peace...and other hopes and dreams of a tired (maniacal) mom..." Sorry if I offended anyone with the "P" word, but we have a book that promises that EVERYONE does it...

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