What time IS it?!

We have eleven clocks in our house. ELEVEN. This is a big deal because three of them are ridiculously large, five of them do not work and the remaining three display the wrong time. Now that I REALLY think about it, we technically have FOURTEEN clocks--one of them has (I think) four faces to show what time it is in like Tokyo and London or something. As if knowing what time it is in Pakistan will  somehow help us to be on time to our events here in the U.S.  Of course, those clocks are probably not set right either (why would they be, really?)  but we'll never know. We're talking about a person who was too lazy to LOOK UP to see what places are actually on the clocks before making up Tokyo, London, and Pakistan. I don't know if they are countries or cities and could solve this dilemma by actually LOOKING, but I think we all know that I'm NOT going to do THAT; do you really think I would go to the trouble of then LOOKING UP the time in each place and setting the clocks to match? Let's face it, we are lucky the clocks are even UP and not sitting in a corner leaning against a wall collecting dust. Don't get me WRONG--they are MOST CERTAINLY collecting dust--they are just doing it while decorating our walls.

The funny thing is (or should I say, "ANOTHER funny thing is..."?), there are THREE ENORMOUS clocks in our living room. Yes, THREE ENORMOUS (and, did I mention, BROKEN?!) clocks in ONE room, and we still never know what time it is. The one in front of me right now (That my husband bought for me as a housewarming gift when we bought our first home. It took up THE ENTIRE wall of our living room--I don't know if it is because it is THAT big or that our living room was THAT small! Probably a little of both!) is telling me that it's 6:22 in GIANT print when in actuality it is 3:57. I know this because I took the time to glance down at the lower left of my screen where it clearly reads 3:57 3:58. That was EXHAUSTING, but I will try to continue. I refuse to turn my head to see the enormous clock (my husband bought me THAT one when we built our second house--are you sensing a pattern?!) behind me (I'm still trying to rest from looking at the time on the computer. You understand.), but I seem to recall it reading 2:40 (or something similar) in GIANT Roman numerals. The clock in the corner is a beautiful Grandfather clock that my husband bought for me when I found out that I was pregnant with my son. IT reads 10:15, though there are not any number son it. LUCKILY, I REALLY paid attention when Mrs. Pollow/Held taught us how to tell time in the second grade. Too bad she didn't spend any time on how to SET clocks or how to FIX clocks and possibly even how to PUT BATTERIES in clocks. Maybe I missed that day. At any rate, our tardiness issue is NOT the result of not HAVING clocks--I think I've made THAT clear.

There used to be clocks on cable boxes. I found that to be QUITE helpful--even BEFORE I had a problem with broken and inaccurate clocks. It was just nice to be able to glance at the television and to see the welcoming glow of 8:37 looking back at me. NOW I look at any of the boxes around our house and I don't even UNDERSTAND what is on them. The one in our bedroom seems to constantly read 850 and I KNOW that isn't a channel we regularly watch. I also know that it isn't actually 8:50--EVER when I am in that room. EVER. Which in and of itself is a shame, since I am SO VERY TIRED. Perhaps going to bed at 8:50 would help that. Perhaps. And perhaps it would help us with our tardiness issue. Hmmmm...interesting.

The BEST is when people are over and they actually try to use our clocks as...well...CLOCKS...and they don't realize that the clocks aren't actually functioning. why WOULD they think that the clocks don't work? Who would really keep THAT many clocks on display when they don't even work?! I'll tell you who--WE would. You know, the people with the Christmas tree up in February (http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/2012/01/if-it-was-good-enough-for-art.html) and a toaster in their driveway for days (http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/2011/10/theres-toaster-oven-in-my-front-yard.html?showComment=1320855211050#c290250022404824285)--THAT'S who. And for the record, the Christmas tree IS still up, though Addison said Sunday night, "Ummm...GUYS...I syink dat you awewer going to hafta actoowally take down the Chwristmas twree some day!" which prompted ME to start doing it, but my husband said, "We CAN'T take it down--not NOW. The Christmas tree was up when the Giants won the playoffs, so it HAS to stay up so that they will win the Superbowl!" How can I argue with THAT reasoning? Now if we can only be sure to WATCH the Superbowl ON TIME! I think I'd better invest in some batteries...and maybe a ladder...