I know that most of you know that I am broken, but yesterday I found out that I am...well, MORE broken. Evidently I am losing hearing in my right ear. I SAID, I AM LOSING HEARING IN MY RIGHT EAR. Of all of the... maladies I have, this one and the shrinking thing annoy me the most.
How am I supposed to embrace forty when the senior citizens in my exercise class are in better shape than I am? They stand taller, they move better, and NOW they even hear clearer. They all say, "Wait 'til you're MY age,"to which I respond, "I am pretty sure that I am not going to MAKE it to your age!"
I spent the better part of my appointments yesterday convincing people that I did not have a long career in construction, nor was I in a band (unless you count the time I spent singing Duran Duran into my hairbrush in the eighties). Here I thought that the REST of my family was hard of hearing! Maybe when I THINK I am asking them nicely and OUT LOUD, I am REALLY not saying anything at all--maybe my hearing loss did something to my SPEAKING...? OBVIOUSLY THAT isn't the case--NOTHING could keep ME mute--ask my mother!
As for the shrinking thing, I KNOW that people supposedly shrink as they age, but I'm not THAT age! So now I am shrinking and need the Miracle Ear--and this is BEFORE I hit forty. What do I have to look forward to when forty DOES hit?! Luckily I won't know because I will be too low to SEE it and too deaf to HEAR it--even if Duran Duran shows up and sings it into my hairbrush.
How am I supposed to embrace forty when the senior citizens in my exercise class are in better shape than I am? They stand taller, they move better, and NOW they even hear clearer. They all say, "Wait 'til you're MY age,"to which I respond, "I am pretty sure that I am not going to MAKE it to your age!"
I spent the better part of my appointments yesterday convincing people that I did not have a long career in construction, nor was I in a band (unless you count the time I spent singing Duran Duran into my hairbrush in the eighties). Here I thought that the REST of my family was hard of hearing! Maybe when I THINK I am asking them nicely and OUT LOUD, I am REALLY not saying anything at all--maybe my hearing loss did something to my SPEAKING...? OBVIOUSLY THAT isn't the case--NOTHING could keep ME mute--ask my mother!
As for the shrinking thing, I KNOW that people supposedly shrink as they age, but I'm not THAT age! So now I am shrinking and need the Miracle Ear--and this is BEFORE I hit forty. What do I have to look forward to when forty DOES hit?! Luckily I won't know because I will be too low to SEE it and too deaf to HEAR it--even if Duran Duran shows up and sings it into my hairbrush.
You crack me up!!! Some days I WISH my hearing was going so I didn't have to listen to all the screams and shrieks...Chin up momma, you are NOT getting old, just older. Just like me ;-)
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA! Well, sometimes I PRETEND to not hear things so that I don't have to PARTICIPATE...!And I guess you are right...I am getting oldER which is far better than the alternative, I suppose!
ReplyDeleteI love that selective hearing! Only thing is I swear my family messes with me and just mumbles because I am ALWAYS saying, "WHAT?" so I guess it goes both ways. Love your writing, it's some good stuff. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I agree--it DOES go both ways, but it definitely annoys me more when they are doing it to me!
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