Did you know that there is ACTUALLY a Mother of the Year...contest?! People are actually NOMINATED for Mother of the Year. REALLY. Okay...so those of you who throw those words out there like I do already KNEW that it was an actual THING? REALLY? Because once again, I am late to the party. I thought we were all just joking and that it wasn't really a thing.
So for those of you who were too busy...parenting...to make it to the party on time, let me fill you in on all of this. There is ACTUALLYa MOTHEROFTHEYEAR. I guess it is an award and there is a ceremony and everything. I don't know WHY I am so surprised--why WOULD I know of that?! YELLER of the Year, DEFINITELY. COMPLAINER of the Year, maybe. But MOTHER of the Year? PSHAAA! (That is how I am scoffing now--file that away in your files in your brain, because I just may whip it out when you least expect it. PSHAAA! See? Just keeping you on your toes...)
I first started claiming the MOTY title in a facebook post explaining my feelings about the Tooth Fairy. It seems that SOME "Tooth Fairies" leave ridiculous amounts of cash and Wii games for THEIR children when they lose teeth. No...the teeth are NOT made of gold or platinum--I asked. No, the teeth DO NOT clean and organize the home--I asked that, too. It seems that these Wii wielding, money making teeth are just like the teeth that my children have in their mouths, yet SOMEHOW, my children't teeth are worth like a quarter. Or fifty cents. POSSIBLY a dollar--depending on the tooth.
whining venting to my facebook friends about the racket we call "losing teeth," I continued on with my night, complaining about Tommy and Lexi's parents "Tooth Fairies," who set the bar so very high. Really--a WII game makes sense for losing a TOOTH?! He didn't discover the New World for crying out loud--he lost a freakin' TOOTH. And FIVE dollars?! Though significantly less than a Wii game, FIVE FREAKIN' DOLLARS?! She had better be scrubbing some floors for that amount of coin...
I was so caught up in the absurdity of it all that when I finally settled down, it was to go to sleep. WITHOUT removing the tooth from under the pillow and WITHOUT "helping" the Tooth Fairy to bring the fifty cents to a dollar that my husband and I deemed reasonable for a lost tooth. I woke up the following day to, "Why didn't the Tooth Fairy come, Mommy?!" MOTY moment! I believe that my response on THIS particular occasion went something like this," Are you sure? Maybe she put it somewhere else?" I asked as I used stealth maneuvering to place a dollar and a chicken scratched note (that I wrote while my husband and Brayden "looked" for the surprise) under his blankets. MIRACULOUSLY, he found it. The note read something like this:
Congratulations! I hope you enjoy your dollar--I always give more money and allow you to keep the FIRST tooth because THAT is the most exciting tooth! I couldn't put the money under your pillow because when I tried you rolled over and took your pillow with you! Don't forget to brush--I can't give money or presents for a dirty tooth!
When I posted my MOTY moment, SO MANY of my friends posted similar stories. This was back before I even knew what a blog was, but I should find it now and share the posts--some of them were pretty funny! My point? I always used Mother of the Year sarcastically--never knowing that there could REALLY be a Mother of the Year! I wonder what I would need to do to get nominated. Stop yelling, I would imagine. Oh--and stop making them cry all the time. And I would guess that sarcasm is out. And I suppose I would have to FEED them. regularly. Oh--and BATHE them. And brush their hair. And REMEMBER to have the Tooth Fairy come. And at least give the illusion of having a calm and happy family.
Wow--I am exhausted just TALKING about this award. I think I prefer to win the sarcastic MOTY award. So no one is going to send me to DC or buy me presents...they don't do that now AND I do not have the added pressure of PRETENDING to be good at this job! I am just happy that we are all walking (almost) upright at the end of each day. Maybe they could lower the bar to MOTMinute--even then I don't think I stand a chance...