Oh, Gluten--why do I love you so?

It turns out I am IN LOVE with GLUTEN. I know that EVERYONE has a gluten allergy or intolerance these days, but for the love of all that is good and tasty in this world, could we AT LEAST get a yummy substitution? I KNOW we had delicious foods when I was younger (and when my mother was younger, and when HER mother was younger...) and we NEVER had a problem with gluten. So what's the deal?

I decided a few weeks ago to give up gluten and dairy. It really wasn't as hard as I thought it would be, but after a good month of it, I stopped. Well, I stopped purposefully giving it up--I allowed myself the occasional glass of milk and yogurt and devoured a ridiculous amount of my friend's chocolate cake that she kindly brought over to my our house for me us to sample. You have NEVER eaten a chocolate cake as delicious as this one--I PROMISE you. And I am QUITE certain that there was MORE gluten in THAT cake than I ever want to know about--EVER. And that gluten was DAMN good.

So after my face-off with that chocolate slice of heaven, I continued to live my life gluten (ish) free and didn't have a problem. Spaghetti squash for pasta (I started doing this in Montana and LOVE it!) and quinoa and almond flour for pancakes. I use agave nectar and honey for sweetening things. Yesterday I got cocky. Way. TOO. Cocky.

You see, I thought that since the pancakes were so yummy, surely I could make muffins or bread that would be just as good. The key would be to make something that I could grab and go, but homemade (because I am also avoiding processed foods). Something that is FULL of protein, good fats and essential vitamins, that can be used as a meal on the go. I decided to make gluten-free zucchini bread. I'm not sure exactly where I went wrong, but it could have happened at any time during the making of this anti-gluten disaster.

I was so excited for this yummy treat--I never doubted for a SECOND that it wouldn't be delicious. As I was mixing my dry ingredients, I decided to add some ground up flax seed to the mix. Flax seed is ALWAYS a good thing to have in your food (right?)--and I never usually even TASTE it in my meals. Next, I thought I would add some spinach. Now I know this is making some of you gag, but I swear to you that you can put spinach in pretty much EVERYTHING and not taste it. REALLY. I also decided to add extra zucchini and some leftover smoothie (bananas, berries, peaches, kale, spinach) from the freezer. What is making me seriously laugh right now is the fact that so many of you are gagging and thinking, "Really? You put all of THAT into it and you are blaming the lack of GLUTEN?!" to which I would have to reply, "Yes."

When I bit into the bread (that SMELLED delicious) I almost immediately vomited. In fact, twenty minutes AFTER I took that bite I told my husband that the bread could be used to induce vomiting if anyone in the house swallows poison. Poison OTHER than the bread that is. If the consistency of the bread wasn't the worst part, the lack of sweetness was. Who knew that agave nectar and honey would have such a minute affect on the taste. Couple that with the grainy consistency due to lack of flour and it is a nightmare. One I DO NOT want to have again.

When your next recipe calls for two cups of flour and two cups of sugar, embrace it. Throw in some chocolate chips and enjoy every morsel--you never know when the gluten will be sucked out of your life and the baked goods will be nothing but a distant memory. Do you love gluten as much as I do?