Thursday, October 13, 2011

DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?!

So today it was Brayden's turn. I'm not sure what it was that he was DOING for twenty minutes in his room, but when I went back to see him (for the THIRD time), there he sat, seemingly doing nothing at all. He wasn't making his bed. he wasn't cleaning his room. He wasn't dressed (or GETTING dressed...or even CONTEMPLATING getting dressed, it seemed). He wasn't reading a book, singing a song, writing hate mail to me, picking his nose...he was just sitting, evidently to simply irritate me and send me over the edge. Mission accomplished.

I honestly try (really, I swear) to start off talking with my children in a nice, calm voice...singsong even. By the third time, I look like the bride of Chucky with eyes bulging, nostrils flaring and head contortioning...it isn't pretty. The fact that I'm quite certain my neighbors DOWN THE STREET can hear me in the winter is a problem I'm trying to fix. My fuse seems to get shorter the older I get. Or is it the older THEY get? Either way, it's ugly. I want to patiently wait for my children (and quite honestly, my husband) to do what I ask after I ask them the first or second (or even THIRD...) time, but I feel that MAYBE THEY CANNOT HEAR ME AND SO I HAVE TO YELL. And let's be honest--I usually have to ask TWENTY times before they even THINK about moving. Why do they hate me? I swear it's a conspiracy.

I have friends who very calmly and peacefully interact with their children. Some have children who just automatically do what their mothers/fathers ask them to do. THE FIRST TIME they are asked (or even TOLD) to do it. I swear--I've SEEN it and SOME of you are living it. Secretly we hate you, but don't take offense. I also have friends who ask their children to do things and their children blatantly disregard them--and THEY DON'T CARE! They don't become raving lunatics (like one blog-writer we know), they simply continue on as though nothing happened. HOW?! When three(make that FOUR) people ignore my existance on a regular basis, I start to feel like I'm not even really here. I look around and ask strangers, "You see me, right? I'm not, like a ghost or anything, am I? You're not experiencing a Bruce Willis/Sixth Sense moment with me are you? 'Cause I KINDA feel like I may be a figment of my own imagination..." I often wonder if I'm speaking out loud or if it's only happening in my head. And the longer this..."epidemic'? "condition"? goes on, the more I find that at times I'm really NOT speaking out loud--the line gets grayer with time--and frustration.

It's about significance, really. If none of the people around you find you significant enough to listen to you, you start to feel...well, insignificant! Suddenly you are ranting at mom's groups and exploding at WalMart to the nine-year-old stock boy (seriously--how old DO you have to be to get a work permit these days?) who REALLY wishes you WERE a ghost...And you are yelling. Yelling because you are angry for them not listening to you, yelling because you actually want them to do the thing in question and yelling so that you know you are actually still alive. Okay, so maybe not YOU as much as ME...but you (this time I really mean you!) see where I'm going with this...right? I'm not sure even I see where I'm going with this...no wonder no one listens to me--I don't make any sense! I said I DON'T MAKE ANY SENSE! But you (yes, YOU) already knew that--even BEFORE I started yelling.

11 comments:

  1. Oh, I hear you.....and when you feel like you should have steam puffing out of your ears....then it is usually time for me to take a time out. I was about to do that last night.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Martha, that's why we have each other--because we can still HEAR each other even if those around us don't hear us! As for the time out, when Dave came home after a week out of town, I passed him on his way in the door with keys in my hand saying, "If I stay in here for one more minute, SOMEONE is going to be hospitalized..."

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am sooo right there with you......I always feel like i am always yelling at that....and quite honestly dont understand why them(including my hubby)cant just listen the first time,but yet i am suppose too....I totally feel the double standard&it drives me nuts....I swear i thought i was the only person that felt soo crazy....LOL

    ReplyDelete
  4. And that was me Kelly for some reason wouldnt let me add my name....lOL

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think that happens to all of us--we think we are the only ones going through...well, EVERYTHING! That's why we need to just get it all out there--then we realize that it's THEM, not US! Someone posted on facebook the other day, "I don't need anger management--I just need everyone to stop pissing me off!" and I could SOOO relate! When I was pregnant with my third, the doc wanted to put me on Zoloft. I wouldn't take it when I read the side effects, so he told me Wellbutrin would be better. Being a moron, I took his word for it--for a few weeks. Then I decided to take myself off of it. I decided, "EVERYONE ELSE is bugging ME--maybe THEY should be on the medication..." A year later when I admitted that to my doctor, he wasn't so impressed...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I feel your pain and frustration. With my 3 ages 13,.11, 8 it seems as though the only things that matter are tv, video.games and computers. When my kids choose not to listen the first time I calmly ask them again. The 2nd time , my patience is shorter bc my patience is wearing away and I lose my will for patience why is it that I have more for my 20 8 year olds than.my own family. So now they lose electronic privileges ( I take thinks and disconnect things) if I get to the 3rd time I ignore them until they do what there asked to do without reminders. It's really hard to control myself from nagging them.but the ignoring seems to work more. At that point they all seem to work together to try and fix what one person SCREWED up. It's also a blessing that mine are older bc I don't need to wait for an adult to come home--- I just leave.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I like the advice...I'm going to try it now (though I'm not so great at ignoring things!) and what doesn't work I'll file for later...oh, the days when I can just go...*sigh*...THANKS!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Ooh, you need to somehow get your kids to nag each other. You should have a punchlist (no pun intended) of things they MUST do (keep it to 3 items each), and put it on a chart by the door. If every kid gets those done and all are waiting at the front door by ____ o'clock then they all get...something sugary (I was going to say a rice krispie treat, but the school already gives those away for free--lol). Yes, that's it. They all get something very sugary right before school (muahahaaaa! take that, snotty-noted teachers!!). ;) See how I think???

    But yeah, back to my point. Get them all to "encourage" each other or maybe pick up each other's slack at times, and if they can do it they get a reward.

    And don't get me wrong--I am NOT one of those parents who doesn't yell. And we have like 1,000 toys on top of the fridge that have been taken away at some point in my child's life!! lol

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love it (though it may be a bit too mathematical for me...bad brain these days!) and want to start it IMMEDIATELY! And the fridge thing cracks me up because that ALWAYS happened to us in Virginia--it got to the point where we couldn't open the door without legos or puzzles falling on our heads! By the time we got to Montana we gave up on the whole fridge thing. It's true, if you let them wear you down, they WILL win!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nika....you still crack me up. And just so you know...I am laughing with you...not at you because I have been there, lived it and come out the other side. Reading your stories makes me almost miss when my kids were little. ALMOST....Connie

    ReplyDelete
  11. Thanks, Connie--and just know that I'm okay with you laughing AT me, too!

    ReplyDelete

I LOVE feedback--especially the POSITIVE kind...