Grrrrrrr...MORNINGS...

The thing is, mornings around here...suck. There really isn't a better word for it, so I'm sorry if I offend you. Actually, there are SEVERAL better words for it, but I need to keep my PG blog rating. From the time my son was ONE, I swore that we could get up at FOUR and still not make it out of the house until TEN. What did I do to fix the problem? I had TWO MORE BABIES. Almost back-to-back. Ask me how THAT helped things on the morning front...go on, ask. Let's just say it didn't. I thought it would get better with time. I have really (no, REALLY) independent and obstinate children. Look at the toaster--if my appliances behave that way, imagine what the tiny humans are capable of...I just got a chill down my spine.

Okay...obstinate...independent children. I'm back. I swear they came out of the womb barking orders at me, telling me that they "...KNOOOOOOWWWWW" how to do WHATEVER I ask them to do (yet oddly, DO NOT ACTUALLY DO any of it). I remember being so proud (and yes, I'm sure I gloated--don't judge. We all act like jerks SOME time--some of us just make careers out of it--and NO I am NOT getting into politics on here--today...) So please stop interrupting--I have a hard time even following MYSELF. I was SO PROUD, because my son was picking out his clothes and dressing himself (matching his outfits and looking better than any of us) by the age of two. I'm not sure if I said it, but I'm pretty sure I wanted to make a bumper sticker about it. "My two-year-old dresses better than your middle school honor student..." or something along those lines. I didn't. Make the bumper sticker. Thank God. I'm so glad I'm not THAT person. Instead, I'm the person who writes about it on her blog and makes EVERYBODY read it. Seriously, I think my fb "friend" list dropped significantly when I started calling everybod out BY NAME to read my blog. Who do I really think I am?! Let's not dwell on that for too long--I may start BELIEVING it and then I may stop writing and to be quite honest, this has been very cathartic for me. Nevermind the people who are reading this nonsense...

Where was I...independence...dressing himself...blah, blah, blah...MORNING. SUCKING. That's right. I know that mornings aren't a favorite of many, but in my house they are truly horrific. I know all of the "tricks" and people keep reminding me of them--and I DO them--yet I still have problems. Yes, I make lunches at night. Almost always. Yes, I pick out clothes at night. Almost always. Yes, I have them get their backpacks ready at night. Almost always. Yes, they take showers/baths at night. On the rare occasion that we actually CLEAN them...that's a discussion I only need to have with Social Services, thank you. And this is just making me realize how much our NIGHTS must SUCK.

It doesn't matter how prepared we are for morning, it is almost always disastrous. My children usually tag team--you know, "I'll get on Mom's every last nerve today, you do it tomorrow. This way we can push her just to the edge, pull her back and repeat." On the rare occasion, they all like to do it at once, just to see if I will actually GO over the edge. It hasn't been pretty. My daughter, Ryan (Yes, I KNOW that Ryan is a boy's name. My grandfather reminds me of that on a regular basis, but thanks for the input) has the most beautiful clothes. I'm not saying that to gloat or to be a jerk--I'm saying it because it's true. My beautiful and well-dressed neice gives my girls her clothes after she grows out of them. Being the youngest (and ONLY girl) of five, she REALLY gives us an abundance of quality clothes. This works out so well for us because she is so girly and dainty that none of the clothes even look worn. The problem is, my girls have been known to ruin some of those clothes WITHOUT EVEN WEARING them. Seriously?! I swore I would never be (oh--by the way--NEVER say never) (Great--I can't even SAY that without singing Justin Bieber in my head--make it stop!) the mother who got upset for my kids BEING KIDS, but REALLY? Ruining it BEFORE you wear it?

     

I've come to realize that she (Ryan) may be ruining her clothes on purpose. She is NEVER happy with her clothes. I've tried everything. I choose three outfits--tell her to pick one. I find a top (or bottoms) and tell her to find the bottoms (or top). I even tried to let her pick out the entire outfit on her own, but she ALWAYS finds the one thing that is still 18 mos that I forgot to give away with the rest of the baby clothes and she ALWAYS puts it together with the OTHER thing I forgot to give away with the baby clothes. And the two NEVER match. Not only do they not match, they are ALWAYS the exact opposite. Green and yellow polka dots with fuschia and purple flowers. Orange and red stripes with hot pink and bright green frogs. Did I mention that these outfits almost always have holes? THIS is what I'm working with now. And THIS is [one of the reasons] why mornings suck.

This morning, for example, Ryan had a full-throw-yourself-on-your-bed-and-scream temper-tantrum. Last year she had those because I suggested that she wear jeans. Today she had one because I DIDN'T suggest that she wear jeans. Luckily, I believe that since she is so terrible about this now, she won't be so bad as a teenager. THIS is what keeps me going--please don't ruin it for me. I think I need to start drinking. Now.