AWESOME BABIES!

I remember when Brayden was a baby. He was an AMAZING baby. Don't get me wrong--I didn't know it at the time, but he was seriously the BEST BABY. EVER. He was also my WORLD. I was so enamored with those little fingers and toes and those ridiculously long lashes that a girl would NEVER be lucky enough to have. I used to just take pictures and videos of him for HOURS. THAT is what I did with my time as a SAHM. I would dress him in ALL of the cute outfits that people inevitably give to a first time mom and I would take pictures. Like when I was six with my "MY FRIEND MANDY" doll--only with a photo-op. And a...vide-op (I KNOW that isn't a thing, but I am going to coin the term. Just go with it).

Having Brayden didn't cramp my style (WHAT style, you ask? Oh--I had STYLE!) at all. I went everywhere and did everything I had done BEFORE having a baby (I guess I was P-R-E-T-T-Y boring THEN!), only now I had to leave occasionally because of leaky breast milk. Okay--so THAT was a style-cramper, but I still went to the social events! I didn't let a few wet shirts keep me out of the loop! Some would be embarrassed to show their faces again after leaving a house with two enormous wet circles running down the fronts of their shirts, but not THIS trooper. Oh no--I had NOOOOOO problem going back. And investing in an extra few sets of nursing pads.

True, part of the reason was because my friends were so welcoming and accepting of the whole...baby thing. They all had gone through it before and even my friend Tom Jones (Yes--his name IS Tom Jones and I do believe his wife had him serenade us once after one (EIGHT) too many cocktails...NOT the same.), who prides himself on mocking me scoffed at the fact that I would be embarrassed about leaky breasts (yes--I said BREASTS.  You'll be fine.). "What's the big deal? You have a BABY. That's what HAPPENS." Tom ROCKS. Just don't tell him I said so.

I think that having the "job" of loving and spending time with my baby full time was so amazing to me. For the first time since I was sixteen, I had NOTHING ELSE to do. Why WOULDN"T I love everything about this new job? I get to stay in my comfy clothes and all I have to do is PLAY--ALL DAY. It was perfect. Only I didn't KNOW it was perfect ALL the time.

I remember thinking it was SO HARD to get up every few hours to FEED him. When other mothers would talk about getting up at night, I would FULLY commiserate, not realizing that THEIR babies would get up and STAY up. Half the time I would get Brayden and fall asleep while feeding him (even though ALL of the parenting magazines said that this was a BIG no-no. I didn't see any of THEM offering to get up to feed for me...just sayin'...). It was the same with Ryan (I'll tell her story another day). I didn't realize that I did NOT understand what all of those other parents were going through until I was pregnant with Addison. My aunt said to me, "You'd better watch it--one of these days you are going to get a REAL baby!" Luckily, Addison was great, too! Of course, they are all making me pay NOW, but I think I've covered that  sufficiently.

I think that EVERY mother (and even some fathers) get some version of the baby blues (much to the dismay of Tom Cruise. Jerk.). you have your run of the mill "I am going to drive off of a bridge and everyone will read about it in People Magazine" kind, Your "What is this creature that just came out of me--there is NO WAY I am going near it!" kind and your "I just love this baby and my life so why am I feeling so down?" kind. I fell into category three. I think that my version may not have been solely from having the baby, it may have had a lot to do with the fact that for the first time in over ten years I had nowhere to be. I had a similar feeling the first time I only had ONE job and the first summer when I didn't work AT ALL.  I had been used to working three and four jobs and suddenly I had DOWN time. I had heard of this concept before, but never TRULY believed that it existed. It was WONDERFUL! Only, with down time comes time to think and thinking is NEVER good--especially when you aren't good at it.

I suddenly had the time to obsess over EVERYTHING. Was I doing everything right? Would my baby feel loved? Would it REALLY harm him terribly if I allow him to drink milk with hormones (I know, right?!)? I was (and still am to some degree) ridiculous. I swore I would NEVER speak to my sweet baby boy in a harsh tone (refer to http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/2011/11/ive-decided-that-instead-of-making-to.html for the ENTIRE list of "never"s--or at least the ones I thought of THAT day) and I would ALWAYS  make sure that he felt heard. What's that saying? We make plans and God laughs? Well God must be roaring up there over me!

I remember talking to veteran parents (my aunt, my mom, the lady at the grocery store...) and in retrospect I can see them biting their tongues and smirking at all of my "knowledge" as a first time parent (because I of course felt it necessary to SHARE all of my theories. OY!). I can remember going to play groups or hanging out with friends who had older children and thinking things like, "Maybe if she wouldn't yell so much, they would listen..." "Should I TELL her that consistency is key when disciplining children?" and (my favorite) "I wonder if she knows that you shouldn't yell out empty threats--especially when it deals with spanking. I'm not one of those "against spanking" people. I taught middle school. AND high school. I have MET children who needed to be spanked when they were younger and I have SEEN what happens to them when they are not. Of course, spanking should DEFINITELY be reserved for those horrible times when the child runs out into traffic or the child threatens to KILL you or something--this way it MEANS something...I wonder if she knows all of this?" All of this while my baby slept soundly (or looked around curiously) in his little car seat. Just a sidebar--my babies LIVED in their car seats. Half the time I would go to people's houses and leave the child by the front door like a bag of groceries. They RARELY complained, and I figured, if they aren't complaining, why bother them? I'm CERTAIN people were appalled at my behavior. I also let everyone take the baby so that I could visit. I learned early on that everyone WANTED to hold the baby and since I spent ALL OF MY TIME with my babies, why WOULDN'T I pass them on at parties? of course, from THEIR perspective I was the mother who either left her child in the foyer to be forgotten all night or I was giving my babies away all the time. Nice parenting. It's a good thing I knew so much.

It did concern me at one point--we were at a friend's house and I had to run home for something for their party. As I approached their house, I saw a group of people in their back yard. One woman was holding a baby that looked EXACTLY like mine. I felt a little like I did when an ex-boyfriend cheated on me and I saw him at a party with another girl. Only this was worse. I'm not sure why--obviously if this woman is at the party, SOMEONE knows her, right? Still, it felt weird that a stranger was bouncing my baby around, but why wouldn't she? I had left the baby (almost too) willingly, so it would stand to reason that SOMEONE would take over parenting duties. Why SHOULDN'T it be someone I've never met? I remember wanting desperately to yank the baby out of her arms, but then reminded myself that I was not a psycho. INSTEAD, I introduced myself to this extremely nice woman (who now has three babies of her own I hear through the grapevine. Sucker!) and thanked her for taking such good care of my baby. We continued to chat until someone else begged to have the baby leaving me wondering if there was something SERIOUSLY wrong with me. I think we ALL know the answer to THAT.

Lucky for me, I had Marcia. Marcia is the greatest no-nonsense, low-maintenance, least dramatic,would-do-anything-for-anybody friend I could have had--especially during my RIDICULOUS days as a new parent. Marcia did things like feed my daughter blue icing when she was six months old, gave EVERY child of mine loud instruments to bang on or whistle through and MADE SURE we let them be heard and visited and read to my children on a regular basis. She (and her Mike) were the grandparents that were unable to visit regularly and were the voices of reason in a time of insanity. Marcia made sure I knew that having children meant having a messy house. That loving and having fun with my babes was more precious than having a clean floor or an organized pantry.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Sorry--I couldn't help myself. I think of all of my college (and grad school) friends and former roommates and those people who met me AFTER my children were ALL toddling and walking and DESTROYING EVERYTHING and I read this through THEIR eyes and I laugh. I think of the people who have NEVER come to my house and NOT left with some sort of food on their feet. I think of those people who met me when I no longer HAD a pantry and I laugh. These people probably cannot even IMAGINE me with a clean house! *sigh* I actually LIKED my clean house...

Sorry! Where was I? Oh--MarciandMike. At Christmas time, Marcia would show up and tell us to go Christmas shopping. She wouldn't take no for an answer and I KNEW how blessed I was to have her. When times were tight (which unfortunately lasted...well, it is STILL lasting!), she would come over and tell us to go on a date. Mike would get down on the floor and play with my kids--cars, Legos, coloring--whatever my children requested, the two of them would do. Marcia would remind me of how important my marriage was--even if it wasn't on MY priority list--or my husband's--and that I wasn't doing ANYONE any good if I forgot that which is why she INSISTED that we go on dates. This woman is full of so much wisdom and kindness--something we ALL could use in our lives and I often think about new mothers: "Wow--SHE could really use a Marcia!" Hell, I could really use a Marcia now! Lucky for Marcia, we moved away so she can focus all of her wisdom and kindness on her new baby grandtwins (I know--I'm coining that, too...). It's a good thing HER daughter isn't like a lot of new mothers--she is prepared for the blue-frosting incidents and welcomes them! Hopefully she will listen to and hear the words that her mother says--then she won't have to write a fifteen page blog about how crazy she was as a new parent in seven years!

My Brayden will be EIGHT on Saturday. EIGHT. It was HIS second birthday party that held the infamous blue frosting incident of '06. I remember the craziness of that Thomas party (Crazy because I always invite WAAAYYY too many people--but I always know REALLY nice and fun people and I want them to be a part of things! Don't worry--Kate was there to help! See http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com/2011/12/fight-for-your-right-tothrow-my-party.html), I remember his HUGE brown eyes and his obvious excitement with everything around him. He was the friendliest most easy-going two-year-old EVER, my sweet Brayden and that boy is still in there. He's just always been advanced, so recently he is acting like a teenager--nothing we can't work through as a family. With maybe a little therapy. And some whine wine--we'll DEFINITELY need wine.

Helpful or not?

When I first got on facebook (about three years ago), I had SO MUCH FUN connecting with people I had truly missed throughout the years. It seemed I was constantly finding new friends and they were finding me. It was the BEST thing for a person like me--one who MEANS well, but has a little trouble with the follow-through. The road to hell REALLY IS paved on good intentions--I can feel the heat beneath my feet! I INTEND to be a good friend, but the truth is, I kind of suck. There is something else you should know about me. I think EVERYONE feels the same way I do about things. Let me correct that--I KNOW that SO MANY PEOPLE DO NOT SHARE MY VIEWS. I just refuse to accept that. It's not that I am a know-it-all. It's quite the contrary in fact. I admit to being wrong about pretty much EVERYTHING. Until I think I'm right. I base what is "right" to me on what benefits most people or what creates the happiest ending. I've found in recent months that MANY of my "friends" do NOT share this method of reasoning. Duly noted. I first started this...feeling...when I went off to college. I was blessed to find the MOST PATIENT roommate EVER. Seriously, she should be a saint with all that she had to put up with when I was there. Example? Day one. My parents and I set up the room before she arrived. We made SURE to take over every inch of one half of the room--maybe even going over that inch in some areas. No complaints from her. I went out--ALL the time and kept her (or woke her) up until all hours of the night. No complaints from her. I even passed my "line" and took over the ENTIRE ROOM with all of my...prized possessions scattered around like...well, a junk hole--no hyperbole here, it's the truth. Some complaining, but she still loved me. Don't get me wrong--I wasn't ALWAYS horrible and I used to be very nice actually. I also used to be the person who would do anything for anyone with a smile on my face. I think the old me would REALLY annoy the new me. In fact, I kind of feel like going back in time to punch the old me in the face. THAT is a conversation for another day. I made such good friends in college and loved how there was no...ranking...or anything to prevent me from being who I was or being friends with anyone. It didn't matter what I wore, or even what I said or did--my friends were my friends. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it wasn't necessarily COLLEGE that did this. I realized that everyone had grown up and we were all on the same playing field, unlike the competition and ranking in high school. This revelation infested me with confidence and I made it my goal to befriend--well, everyone. My friends used to make fun of how many random friends I had. From townies to transfer students, I made it MY MISSION to be liked by everyone (maybe too much in some cases, but my mom [may be] reading this, so I won't get into THAT). When I went home for the summer, I ran into this couple who went to high school with me. He was very friendly with me--always had been nice to everyone it seemed--but SHE was a different story. She wasn't Lindsay Lohan Mean Girls or anythhing, she was just...aloof. Having this newfound insight, I thought I was friends with EVERYONE and that EVERYONE got the memo about being on the same plaing field. Evidently not. I remember chatting amiably and telling them to give me a call if they ever wanted to get together that summer. Not because I didn't already have WAY TOO MANY people to keep up with (along with working three jobs), but because EVERYONE had to be my friend. As I walked away, I realized that I may have been off on that one...and unless they legitimately lost my phone number AND their phone books, I was. I tell this Sue Heck-like story not to make you sad for the bushy-unibrowed gangly girl I once was, but to tell you how I did a similar thing on facebook. (And if you don't know Sue Heck, check out The Middle. I think I laugh more out of the embarrassment that Sue Heck is ME circa 1986 than the fact that the mother is me now!) You see, I have a theory. I have A LOT of theories. THIS particular theory is about pregnancy, delivery and post-partum depression. I believe that pregnancy and delivery SUCK. I believe that those who THINK they love it are lying to themselves. That Duggar woman? Certifiable. I actually feel sorry for her because her brain is so far into that mommy cloud, it will never be able to come back, which is a good thing in her case. IMAGINE what would happen if her brain DID come back now? "HOLY *&#!! I have HOW MANY children? AND I'M PREGNANT?! What am I, A CAT?! Or worse--A RABBIT?!" Better she should remain in the mommy cloud. Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about when I say "mommy cloud" because any woman who has given birth to a child and any woman or man who has (or are currently) raised or lived with small children KNOWS what a "mommy cloud" is. My sister calls is "Placenta brain" which I love, but it happens regardless of the placenta. It happens simply because there is a child or are children snipping away at your brain with their constant demands (Now I have to feed them AND be nice to them? Apparently I also have to LISTEN to them, though they don't reciprocate) and incessant whining. Add to that the fact that so many choose to stay at home to give their children..."The best care ever"(which in my case is a joke at times because, REALLY? They are better off with me as a raging psychopath than with children their own age and teachers who do fun activities with them each day? REALLY?! so they don't have contact with the outside world. THIS is where I have been for the last few years. After having my children I worked for just over two years (not consecutively) and have been home the rest of the time. My son will be eight this year. That is SIX YEARS of spending the majority of my time with people who seemingly cannot be taught anything and who do not listen to a word I say unless I YELL IT LIKE A LUNATIC. No wonder I have no brain. HOW does this relate to my facebook incident? I'll tell you. The year after I "retired" from teaching for the third time, I acquainted myself with facebook and spent my time searching for those I thought I had wronged in some way or had a falling out with for some reason. One of my closest friends in high school was on and he posted that his wife was pregnant with their second child. I was so very happy for them and (although we hadn't SPOKEN in almost twenty years)I somehow thought it was MY responsibility to to warn him about ONE of my theories (though in the eleven page email I sent him I did not MENTION it was MY theory...hmmm...)about parenthood and pregnancy. I believe that EVERYONE suffers through some form of "baby blues" or another. Not everyone goes all Susan Smith on their family or dislikes their babies, but simply being sleep-deprived is enough to mess with your psyche--add to it everything else that comes with the job (and the PREPARATION for the job) and who WOULDN'T be depressed or feel disconnected at times?! Notice you never heard Tom Cruise say another negative word about postpartum depression after HIS wife was pregnant. I mentioned ALL OF THIS (plus a little more, I'm sure!) to my "friend" and felt compelled to explain more. I'm SO VERY HELPFUL, no?! There are varying degrees of this depression and add to it ANOTHER baby (before your brain comes back from the first) and it can be madness. If your spouse doesn't UNDERSTAND this, imagine how bad it can get. Some of you know because you've been there. Wouldn't YOU want your spouse's freakish friend from a few decades ago to offer unsolicited advice about how devastating it is going to be when your new baby comes?! YOU'RE WELCOME is what I should say to THAT family. Only, I'm not sure we are even friends on here anymore and if we are I'm P-R-E-T-T-Y sure he "hid" me. Let's just say that the happy commenting we had done BEFORE my "helpful" note was no more and I could almost HEAR the crickets in the room after he read the note--probably aloud--to his spouse. Evidently we don't ALL think the same way and what may seem "helpful" to me may seem a little stalker-like to others. Who knew?! I'd like to say "lesson learned," but I think you know me better than THAT.