The OTHER "C" word

Sadly, everyone reading this (or should I say, "You," since there may only be ONE of you? I will operate under the assumption that at least my closest friends and relatives feel obligated (don't care how you get here) to read and follow my ramblings, so I'll stick with "Everyone...") knows at least one person who has or has been affected by the "C" word. No--not that "C" word--what kind of blog do you think I'm running here? Don't answer.

The "C" word I'm talking about is Cancer and I hate, hate, HATE that I am devoting a whole entry to this because I feel like "C" is one of those terrorists who wants to be famous for destroying lives and it does not deserve anything more from us. I feel like "C" touches more lives each year and it has to stop. Sit back for a second and think about all of the people you know who have/had the "C" word invade their lives. I've mentioned what a small world I think it is (when I do that it is because I want you to click on the words so it will bring you to that post...I looked at yesterday's blog and you can't even tell the link is there.  Anyway...), but the "C" word is making it smaller--and not in a good way at all.

I met up with one of my closest and dearest friends this summer (after not seeing or talking to her for over a decade) and as she was telling me how she beat breast cancer (in the years we lost touch). I felt awful that I wasn't there for her during that time, but she was the amazing and strong woman I know her to be and kicked the "C" word's butt. This is what I hate. Well, cancer is what I hate, but what I really hate is that this is going on in my head:

"You had breast cancer? So did my aunt...maybe you know her? She beat it too!" or worse, "You lost your grandmother/uncle/stepfather to cancer? So did I!" and the worst of all, "Your child has cancer? I have a few other friends who have children with cancer, too!"
Like it is a good thing or something. I am always excited to bring people I like together--I've always been one to try to fix up my friends, but I certainly don't want "C" to be the reason my friends come together. Sadly, it has gotten to that point--not a day goes by that I don't hear about someone finding out that they or someone they know has "C" of one form or another, and it's unnerving.

Let me clarify--the reason why I "fix up" people who are dealing with/have dealt with "C" is so that they can find support. I truly believe that if you take any situation, good or bad, those who are able to communicate and/or/commiserate with others are going to do so much better than those who don't. Plus, when you are in a situation like that it must feel like you are alone in the world and like no one could possibly understand what you are enduring, so what better way to cope than to be able to communicate with someone who actually does know a little bit about what it is like for you?

I have several friends ("several" should not be the word used) who have children--babies--who are fighting one form of cancer or another and I pray for them every day. I don't think I really have any pull up there--but I figure it certainly cannot hurt (I'm not that bad, am I?! Don't answer THAT, either.) I remember when one friend found out that her child has "L_word" and I contacted my other friend who was a pro at that point to see if she could help the first mom in ways that I knew I could not. I think about that--"PRO--" and I get pissed for her. She didn't ask to be a pro. I am pretty sure she is a pro at most things she does--she is that type of person--but I'm pretty sure that her ability to rock this situation is something she would gladly give up. Every time I try to type something encouraging to her (she seriously is one of the strongest and most amazing people I know), I think that if I were her I would think, "Yea--noted, great--thanks. I am so glad that I am in this shitty place where I need to be strong and "YAY ME" I'm doing it--heck--I'm even a "PRO," but it sucks and I don't want to hear how freakin' inspirational I am ANY more...I just want my child to be well and I want to try to get back to just living--without the constant worry, without the constant trips to the ER, without the "C" word taking over my life..."

I think that is what I would think. I don't know and hope I do not ever have to know, but that's the thing--why is it that I have been spared for now? Is it because I am too weak to handle it? Maybe, but that hardly seems fair. Kelly Clarkson made famous the cliche about what isn't killing us is making us stronger, but punishing someone because they are too strong? I can't believe that is the case.

I do worry all the time--I feel like "C" is lurking under my sink (in all of the cleaners that I never rarely sometimes use. I feel like it is in my produce--I can taste it on my apples. I feel like it is in all of our food and it is just waiting for me to let my guard down so that it can be my turn to prove how strong I am. So many mothers--"Momcologists" they call themselves--fight and wrestle with "C" on a daily basis, I feel like it would be arrogant to think that my family will be spared. I know you do what you have to do, but I am no "Momcologist..." I'm not even a "Mommyatrician." I'm barely making it as a mom--without any curve balls.

I've been existential in my thinking lately--wondering why we are on earth anyway and believing that this is only our "trial run--" like maybe this is hell or purgatory or whatever and as long as we don't completely screw it up, the better life is what would be our heaven. I think I just heard a few people click off their computers right there--those who think I am butchering religion and those who think this is too religious-- noted. I guess it's my coping mechanism for loss or the pain I see others enduring. I tell myself that if they have to suffer in this life, then their next life will be so much better than this. It's a theory...

I am always thinking about this topic, but I wanted to write about it after seeing a post that one of my  "Momcologist" friends wrote on facebook,  It read:

6 months left of treatment and I wonder 1) is the cancer gone for good? 2) will there be any lasting side effects? 3) will *child (name has been removed so that he won't be appalled at being connected to a woman with such horrible writing skills) be able to go right into kindergarten after being frozen in time since he was 20 months old? 4) will I be able to start a new career at 40+? 5) how do I/what does it mean to process the last 3.5 years? 6) am I going to have a total breakdown once I let my guard down? Crap. It's surprising how intimidating the next step is. However, I'm getting ahead of myself. 6 months feels like the day after tomorrow, but a lot can happen in the meantime. For now we keep on keepin' on.

The responses?

My hopes for you: 1)YES!, 2) NO, 3) Absolutely because he's creative, smart and resilient, 4)YES - you have done this before and will do it again because you are talented and brilliant, 5) slowly, 6) maybe, but that's ok because it could be a needed release. Sending lots of love and hope for a clear bill of health for "Child" soon! Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Starbucks coming soon, right? Treat yourself to one often.

Love and hugs "Momcologist!"

You are a brave mother have faith in the universe -"Child" is one fortunate boy to have your love
Many blessings on your journey...

"Momcologist," I hear you on that one, though the one who keeps me up at night is the one I married. Thinking of you.

 I wish I lived closer to you so I could take you out for a spa day! Lots of hugs and love are being sent to you!

Look at the light of this moment :)

Thoughts and prayers that it all works out for you guys and that "Child"  is cured!!!!

 Keep on keepin' on is all you can do. 6 months! Amazing! I think of and pray for you guys often.

Positive thoughts and prayers for you and the family.... Take it one day at a time

We are all behind you and your family... Each day I find strength from you. You are stronger than you know. The future will be bright!!! 

 "Momcologist," you very well may be the strongest and bravest person I know. Whatever these months bring you, (and with all of the people praying for you, I anticipate the best of news) I know you (AND "Child") will be able to handle it because you are fighters. I imagine when all is said and done you may need (and will have earned) time to break down, but whether you take an hour, a day, a week, or a month, you will bounce back to the strong amazing woman you are. Keep on keepin' on my friend--six months will go by before you know it and I pray that those months will be good to you all! And ANYONE would be lucky to have you in whatever career you choose!

* Why is mine always the longest?! I'm sensing a pattern here...! Sorry--the rest of the comments...

Lady, you hit the nail on the head! This is exactly how I was feeling. You are in my thoughts and prayers ALWAYS!!!! Let that guard down a bit and LIVE!!!! You deserve it!

Yes I can just imagine all those thoughts going through your mind. One day at a time ! Always thinking of you and the family.

1) I sure hope so! 2) I sure hope not 3) The fact that his mother is on his side and gets that it might be a challenge for him is one of the greatest assets he could have if it is 4) You're really over 40??? Seriously??? And you're one of the brightest most accomplished people I know, so I can't imagine you not making it work. 5) In small steps and there may be a lot of them--you've been through SO MUCH! 6) Maybe you won't let your guard down until you're sure there's a safety net under you--and even then you won't need it...but if you do need it, it will be there. You can always call me, for one, and I bet you can call all the other people who posted before me.

* This one [above] was a bit longer. Better...and longer...

Yes, it will be cured and gone. My friend at work has a son exactly the same age as my daughter. The son had leukemia around the same age as Luc and made a full recovery. It took a few years and was obviously stressful but they came through and you will too. And yes you can go back to work at 40+. My partner is trying now at 46 after 7 years at home raising kids and fighting his own tumor. But all is good just keep on moving!

"Momcologist," if you have made it this far with as much grace and strength as you have, I am fully confident that you will continue on.

You're a very strong person - I admire you!

 I have 100% confidence that your adaptability will propel you into whatever life gives you next, am that you will rock it as usual.

"Momcologist!" You and your beautiful family are in my prayers EVERY day.... "Child" is strong and resilient and you are too mama! I know great and amazing things are to come.... xoxo

MOMCOLOGIST'S RESPONSE:  Thank you so much, everyone. When sometimes it seems that things (e.g. civil society) are crumbling down all around, I only need to look to you, the wisest and most compassionate friends a person could have, to restore my faith! Keeping on with deep breaths and the mantra "just be." [Good heavens, I am high on drama today. I will not edit. I will not edit. :)]

 I'm right there with you ! But you're right, keep on keepin' on.

 Keep on keepin, u made it through this - u can handle anything!!

Sometimes you can just take it one day at a time. Enjoy all the special moments........ and endure the hard ones....

Hugs!

 Having gone through the same thing...I have a bit of experience with this. 1) iyou'll never know, but don't worry until you ahve something to worry about? 2) You'll never know, but as with the cancer itself, deal with them if/when they come.3) heck (Censored) yea. "Girl Child" was in pre-k while on treatment. it will be scary as hell though. Just let the teachers know and you'll make it through. 4) why not?? 5) in time. 6) you'll have many. but it's not because your guard is down, it's because life will happen and there's no way to avoid it. Somethings you'll surf though and others you'll get caught in the surf. you'll be fine though. You've gotten this far. [Other commenter] is right. deal with each day as it comes and just know you have support and you're not in this alone.

Thoughts and prayers continue for you and your family "Momcologist."

All our love to the strongest and bravest family.


In the three (four?) years since we reconnected on facebook, this is the closest this mom has come to complaining about her situation. This is the closest she has come to showing her uncertainty about what the future holds and the closest she has come to showing her fear, anger, or helplessness--at least for others to see. As evidenced by the outpouring of comments, she and her family are extremely loved and have so much support. It's disheartening to see just how many others are going through the same thing since "C" touches so many lives, but there is no doubt that these people are loved and supported. The fact that they have touched so many lives shows what amazing people they are. Reading this makes me feel guilty. So. Very. Guilty.

I should appreciate every single second with my children. I should be happy that we fight about wearing a bicycle helmet when others are fighting about where to stick the needles. I should be happy that my children are here and healthy enough to get lectured about the importance of their vegetables when others are too sick from chemotherapy to keep down anything. I should be happy that my daughter is able to move around quickly enough to throw her lunch out in the cafeteria before anyone notices that she didn't eat any of it when some are confined to a hospital bed and haven't run in days...months...years... I should relish in the fact that my youngest is able to yell loudly enough for  people down the street to come running because they think she is being abducted when others are barely able to choke out a whisper.  For these things I am eternally grateful. Now I'd like for my "Momcologist" friends to have the same luxuries.

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Really bad poetry

It's the weekend before school starts
and all eyes are on me
because (though it's awful), I am brimming with glee!

Thoughts of the future play out in my head--
days at the gym after resting in bed.
Relaxing mornings as all three scurry out--
lunchboxes and bookbags in hand with no pouts.
While I in my jammies give hugs and say "bye!"
They all three wave with love, though all eyes are dry.

Off to my blogging or facebook or tumbler;
spend some time on pinterest and some time on stumbler.
If I want I could watch some trashy TV
or perhaps clean a room--it is all up to me.

No Pampers to change, no fighting to ref,
no yelling to those who pretend they are deaf.
No noses to wipe or band aids to place,
no marks on the wall that I have to erase.
No whiny voices or bad attitudes,
no struggling to get them to not be so rude.

No fighting over spirals or Kraft macaroni.
No fighting that Oscar's the best kind of bologna

No crying or fighting or cleaning up messes.
No trying to get gum out of pretty blonde tresses.
No saying, "No," fifty times, maybe more.
No trying to pee while blockading the door.
No hiding in closets to talk on the phone.
No, "You're the worst mom EVER!" as my constant ring tone.

It's me--only me and though you all may mock---
I am pretty sure that this week
I will have writer's block.

Hi! I'm Nika...

So I owe you the final installment of Courtroom Confessions, but I put too much pressure on myself. It is very long. It is not very funny. And it is not even CLOSE to being finished. Hopefully I will fix most of those problems by the end of the week. Tomorrow I get to go on a class trip with my youngest--I know the thought of riding a bus with thirty preschoolers doesn't sound like much fun to most of you, but I cannot wait. Really. I'm not even being sarcastic here, though I feel like I should be laughing, because what mother in her right mind would WANT to do this? Oh right--me.

So since I am making no attempt to finish or to fix the Courtroom Confession post and since I am going to spend my entire day with my sweet Addie tomorrow, let me tell you another Addieism. On Sunday the kids were swimming (FINALLY) for most of the day.  I love listening to their wisdom as they splash and jump around all day. Sunday was no different.

Addie: "I yove to swim and I want to yearn all of the ways to swim so that I won't deyrown and die. I don't EVER want to die because I want to be able to swim and plus, I want to go to America."

Dave: "Ad--you are already IN America--we LIVE in America..."

Addie:  "HOOOORRRRAAAAYYYYY! I made it to America!"

You would have thought she climbed the fence that morning,

I'm not sure if that is a location joke (in that you had to be there) or if it is just because my baby said it, but I found it to be HILARIOUS.


On a different note, my friend Emma @ Your Doctor's Wife wrote about Blog Star today and inspired me to link up (though she was number five and I am pretty sure that I am going to be number five HUNDRED) my post. Because I was out of material today and my "funny" is a bit delayed,  I thought I would just suggest some of my older posts that people seemed to find funny. SOOOOOO...

Hi! I am Nika. I'm  not as smart as Emma--I used my real name (Like I could REALLY make up Nika...), but luckily nothing too important happens in my world. Don't get me wrong--my children and my husband are very important, but they know my name.  I started blogging in October and have met so many funny and talented people since then--I feel like I know them all personally--fake names and all!

If you are just joining me (which I am not too confident that people are going to check out number five HUNDRED on the hop, but a girl can dream), welcome and I hope you are even slightly entertained by my ramblings. If you aren't, try again--something is bound to be funny eventually, right? Some posts that people seem to like are the Toaster Oven and the Toothbrush in the eye posts and this morning I had another encounter with Crazy- Russian-Mobster-Dude. Six Degrees of Me will give you an idea of the crazy that is me and Well played, Zuckerman/berg gives a sample of my feelings about facebook (as does my post about the facebook timeline and the post about the three hours I wasted on facebook and making ecards, though Staying Connected and TwiPin This discuss the love I REALLY feel for facebook).

I hope you are entertained by at least ONE of those suggestions or at the very least that you got a giggle out of Addison's American pride.  Hopefully I will complete my Courtroom Confessions Conclusion (you see what I did there?) before I have another confession to make! If not, Addie and I may have to go back to live in our home country. The U.S.A.

Courtroom Confession #2

So Courtroom Confessions was a hit--I'm not gonna lie--it wasn't a BIG hit, but it was good enough for me to continue to my next story...

This isn't so much a courtroom confession as it is a ridiculous occurrence in rural Montana. Any friends of mine who were on facebook with me three years ago may remember this story--yes, I am repeating myself, but this is a story that needs to be told to others. Plus, the ACTUAL story about my most recent experience is so much more interesting than these others and I really want you to be ready for it. Plus, I don't know HOW I am going to make it funny for you. This material doesn't [always] write itself you know.

So we are driving from rural Montana (or MonFreakintana, for those of you who have been following) back to...rural Montana (let's be honest--there is ONLY rural Montana--that's the selling point!) and it was getting late. When it is late and my husband is driving, my critique of his abilities increases and I become a full-on backseat driver. Okay, I'm exaggerating (don't I always?!), but I WAS paying close attention and pushing my fake-passenger-seat-driver's-ed-brake and holding on to my "Oh S#!t" handle whenever I felt he needed that extra guidance. I know--YOU'RE WELCOME, husband!

So imagine my surprise when I hadn't needed to employ that fictitious brake or helpful handle for a good hour. Imagine my further surprise when I saw flashing lights behind us. I felt certain that there was an escaped convict running a muck in the next town or a bank robbery in progress (Wild West style of course), so when my husband pulled over and the lights followed I could not figure out why. The only item of note was when he passed the guy in front of him. And then the guy in front of him. And finally, the guy in front of him. This third guy was swerving all over the place and couldn't decide if he wanted to do the speed limit or do twenty UNDER the speed limit. I hate passing--I really do, but as I was thinking that I hated the fact that he was passing, I noted that not only was number three completely necessary (we thought that he may be drunk--I guess WE should have called and reported HIM), he passed each car safely and followed the rules. I on the other hand have to have a damn good reason to do it and even then, I hold my breath until it's over and we are safe. Reassuring for those of you who allow(ed) me to drive your children around town, I know, but I've been this way since 2003.

I'm sure most of you wonder how I could POSSIBLY know the year that this happened to me. I know this because I was driving to work when I was pregnant with my first child and I tried to pass a guy in a Lamborghini. I had an SUV at the time. I checked my mirrors, put on my blinker, checked my mirrors again, and decided to pass. Only, Mr. Mid-life-crisis did not like the fact that a woman in an SUV was trying to pass his sports car, so he wouldn't let me back in. I slowed, he slowed. I went faster, he went faster. I almost drove off the road. I'll never forget his evil ugly face (this is me being mean--I seriously felt like I was in a Steven King novel) and the evil smirk he gave me each time I tried to get back to safety. I finally pulled over on the wrong side of the road and he kept going. I waited about ten minutes and continued on to school .Since that time, I have been known to follow farmers on tractors going five, hundred-year-old-women going ten, and bicyclists for fear of killing myself or someone else. I remember passing someone ONCE in the last two years and it was because I was late to get my kids off of the bus. Saved me thirty-two seconds.

Back to the lights. The police officer came up to the window and asked, "Do you know why I stopped you?" to which I vehemently stated "NO!"  Since he was not actually talking to ME, my husband shot me a look and answered for himself. Evidently, in rural Montana towns it is okay to accuse people of violating a traffic law simply by calling and complaining--not with any proof--just a he said she said sort of thing. Not only is this OKAY, the perpetrator (in this case, my husband) is guilty until proven innocent. It would seem that car number three that he passed (you know--Drunky McDrunkerson) called the police and told them that my husband was driving erratically and passing on a solid. I imagine that in his...state...what was clearly a dotted line may have APPEARED to be solid to his drunk eyes, but the officer was obligated to give the ticket because of the call. even AFTER he admitted that he did not see my husband do ANYTHING wrong.

Let me get this straight, Montana. Under this rule, a jilted boy/girl friend could call you and accuse their ex (out of spite) of not stopping at a stop sign or passing illegally or whatever, and they will get a ticket?! How does this make ANY sense?! Don't get me wrong--there was a time in my life when I would have LOVED this option for revenge, but laws should help to prevent crazies like me from being allowed to falsely accuse someone of something that they did not do. Right?

The officer was quite apologetic (as he SHOULD have been!) and told us that all my husband had to do was show up in court to fight the ticket and if the officer didn't show up, the ticket would be dismissed. The court in this case is not the issue--the SYSTEM is. My husband was able to go right into the court (that was about an hour and a half away, on a WORK day, first thing in the morning) and the ticket was dismissed within minutes, because the officer didn't show up for court. Just like he promised. My issue is, why should anyone be inconvenienced by something like this? What if my husband COULDN'T go to court that day? Garbage, I know. Too bad I can't find Lamborghini guy and call in a report on him. Only HE actually DESERVED it!

Do you know of any wacky laws in your state? Have you ever been falsely accused of something? Stay tuned tomorrow (or the next day...) for my third installment of Courtroom Confessions when I will actually tell the story that I set out to tell the first time. I know--you are on the edge of your seat...me too!

Well played, Zuckerman(BERG)

I have to remind myself that five years ago I refused to get a facebook account and TEN years ago there was no such thing as facebook and TWENTY years ago I was paying to use the computer at Kinko's to get my resume and teaching portfolio done. I REALLY have to remind myself.

If I remind myself of all of that (especially those Kinko's sessions--what a rip off--I had to pay for each fifteen minutes and the computer would freeze for like NINE of those seconds. It was like computer prostitution. Only, I am pretty sure that if the prostitute freezes up for nine of the fifteen minutes, "John" doesn't have to pay. Of course, in THAT scenario, "John" would probably get his kneecaps busted by some gargantuan named Bubba, while I argued and pleaded with a pimply faced teen named Stu, but I digress...), I don't get as upset about the madness that facebook--timeline and EVERYTHING--causes.

Let me begin by reminding you that I KNOW it is a free service and it is COMPLETELY optional. I truly believe this. Only I don't. Because Zuckerberg (though I want to call him ZuckerMAN. I don't know why, but I cannot be held accountable for the spelling or misuse of his name. I do not feel like doing the proper research here and I think we all know that it is not Zucker MAN, though we will deal with it if I refer to him as such. Thank you.) did not become a gagillionaire (It's a thing. Don't judge.) by creating something that the average person is able to use for a reasonable amount of time and then put away for the night. Or the morning. Or the day. No, Zuckerberg(MAN) preys on our weaknesses knowing damn well that we will be drawn back by the facebook force. Including the option to approve of what another person says was probably the most brilliant thing ever invented. EVER. Think about it. How many times a day do you check your status updates to see if anyone commented or got a laugh from it. Or in some cases, showered you with compliments on your brilliance and your humor. Go on--think about it. You KNOW I'm right. There are some days I skip meals, phone calls, parenting...just to seek that red light of facebook approval. Well played, Zuckerberg.  Well. Played.

So many of us (okay...MOST of us. I know this because of the in-depth "research" I did with my wine and my wandering mind. Don't quote me on it as I never actually LOOKED anything up--I was too busy looking for facebook approval. Don't blame ME--blame the "force--"and the little red light!) did not get the approval we so desired in our youth. We were brought up in a time where ONE person got a trophy and if you had a peanut allergy you just ate what was given to you hoping that your caregiver would stop yelling at you (for writhing in agony on the ground) quickly enough to get the ambulance there in a timely manner so as not to DIE which then would have been SUCH an inconvenience to everyone). Awards assemblies were for the elite few who were exceptional enough to win awards. The rest of us just hoped that our seventh period English teacher would allow us to make a bathroom trip during the ceremony so that we could sneak a peek into the auditorium where the brilliant and talented mingled with educators who showered them with presents and praise. Hypothetically.

Trying out for a sport meant that you were TRYING OUT--you weren't accepted simply because you WANTED to be on it (though when I "tried out" for the Field Hockey team because I wanted to wear the cute uniform, I'm not sure HOW I made it, but my tenure was brief. Evidently rocking the uni wasn't a requirement of playing. Knocking the crap out of people's shins with a blunt instrument WAS. Who knew?!) You had to prove that you were capable and simply being ON the team didn't mean you were going to play. In my case, I was thrilled to simply sit the bench and look pretty  (I'm not bragging--this is a comparative thing and we are dealing with SERIOUS field hockey players. "Pretty" is relative.) and would have mini panic attacks when I thought I would have to actually get out there and protect myself from those savages.  I know I have mentioned my Sue Heck (The Middle) past--after getting and (more importantly LOSING) the psychotic boyfriend-who-tried-to-kill-me, I seemed to do much better. Maybe because they started to employ the whole, "Let everyone make the team" philosophy, or, more likely, not enough people wanted to PLAY field hockey (do you honestly BLAME them?! It's like hockey on crack with baseball bats and your goal is to take out a bitch (sorry--that's as "gangsta" as I get)--but they have REALLY cute uniforms--mostly so that your opponents (and even your teammates) can aim for your open skin. Fun times!

Let's bring this back to Zuckerberg. I'm not even going to START on the timeline...I think we KNOW how I feel about THAT. I have to say, I do get SOME messages now. That's better than the five weeks of NOTHING I got a few months ago. My beef is with the whole punishing people for taking a break (because I have a computer that is so basic and archaic that it says RETURN on it rather than Enter (or is that a MAC vs Microsft thing? I don't care--I'm sticking with the joke.) by not posting the things they post and by not showing them what their "virtual" friends post. I've also not gotten emails or comments that have been posted on my wall. Thanks for nothing, Zuckerman(BERG)--I think we know how much I NEED, nay, YEARN for positive reinforcement and you just tore that away from me. Not. Cool.

And while I'm on the subject of uncool things that Zuckerberg-man and his staff of millions do to destroy my sanity each day, let's discuss this new (new to me is up to a year. Maybe even two or three depending on the topic.) "feature" of scrolling what everyone in facebook land is doing.

Marcy Smith moved from the sofa to the chair
Annie Jones just took a drink of her coffee
Mike Jones is pissed because Annie drank all of the coffee...

REALLY?! YOU are KILLING me, Zuckerberg. A slow, painful death. Because what I cannot get is reassurance and letters from my friends/fans (I am quite certain that my friends do not have a problem with my calling them "fans." It is not pretentious AT ALL. Let's be honest--they know what an attention-seeking-whore I am (That is ATTENTION-SEEKING-WHORE, not ATTENTION-SEEKING, WHORE. Just for the record. My MOM reads this, people. And my AUNT. AND my MIL. AND JATDaddy's AUNT. AND...well, most likely no one else, but still...) in the way of a tiny red light indicating that someone has either "liked" or left a message for me about something I have done or something I may like. I do not get some emails that have been sent to me--sometimes for MONTHS. I'll tell you what I haven't missed--every single Castleville/Hidden Chronicles request--sometimes twenty of them at a time. Thanks Zuckerman (BERG)--I LOVE those and would much rather have them instead of encouragement and positive reinforcement from friends. What I also get is the rolling list of  "Daisy just left the bathroom--don't forget to flush!" and "Thomas read about hate crimes in the 1950s..." I also get the occasional posting that tells that I'VE read something, and I think we all know to double check THAT fact. I got a Kindle for Christmas and immediately read The Hunger Games--a conversation for another day--and South of Broad. I read two or three other random (but enjoyable) books that were on there (thanks, Mom) and haven't looked at anything else. I say this because a few months ago my name started showing up in the rolling Brave-New-World sidebar that peeks through your Skype cam each day.  Zuckerberg(MAN) posted that I had read some article about Obama. harmless enough--I very well COULD have read an article about Obama. He IS after all OUR PRESIDENT. I know that there are many who refuse to believe it--even though it HAS been almost four years, but whatever.

Sidebar: Whatever your feelings about Bush and Obama, I do not remember the blatant rage and denial over Bush's tenure and without getting into pointing fingers and pointing out faults, REALLY?! Lay off the man and vote for the person you want to win in November. If he loses, sad for you, but go on with your life and do what YOU can to make your life and our country better. And vote OUT the members of Congress who are REALLY to blame.

Don't get pissed...I just get up on my soapbox every-so-often, but I'm back. So Zuckerman claims that I've read this article and I don't know it. I find out when a friend of mine (one of the many who refuse to believe that Obama won FOUR years ago...) comments and attacks me for supporting 'THAT GUY" and goes on to rant about some nonsensical things about Obama and my stupidity. I don't think he used that word, but again--I do not wish to look it up. Some of you remember this because it led me to a two or three day soap box that may or may not have lost me some fans and friends.

I tell you this, not to make this political, but to tell you that all it said was that I READ an article. I have READ a lot of things in my life. In high school I researched Hitler, though I am really not a fan. I READ the comment from my friend, though I really disagreed with it. How do you assume that someone is FOR something or someone based on what they've READ? [Climb up on soapbox.....NOW!] Isn't THIS the problem? People make assertions BEFORE they read anything and refuse to modify their thinking even when there is evidence to the contrary? Grab your wine glass and your brain and do the research if you care so much. *sigh*

ANYWAY...I didn't think anything of the fact that it posted at the time because my brain is fuzzy and I very well COULD have read an article and forgotten about it. But then there were others.

Nika read about Miley Cyrus (again--don't CARE how she spells it) and her new boyfriend
Nika read about how to get rid of Syphilis (one L?)
Nika read that LT sold his Superbowl ring

REALLY? To be honest, I shouldn't care because I firmly believe that a person should be able to read ANYTHING and not be judged for it. It is right up there with my feelings that we should be able to DO anything and not be judged for it (even those of you thumping your bibles (or Korans or Torahs) have to admit that we are supposed to "Judge lest ye be judged..." and whatever that translates into for other religions...sometimes the fact that I am so wise just blows me away...), though the whole Obama debacle made me realize that people infer whatever they want to infer and silently (or belligerently (2 Ls?)) judge. So somewhere out there is a former friend/fan who thinks that I am sitting home after catching Syphilis from LT rocking out to Party in the USA (which, I'm not gonna lie, is a pretty catchy song. Just sayin'...).  Thanks, Zuckerman(BERG). Why don't I see YOUR name in the scroll on the side?  I would be interested to know what YOU are not doing these days.

What do you think that is all about anyway? Is facebook trying to stir up trouble so that there will be an all out facebook rebellion? I'd better get my butt to Kinko's...

Let's pretend like I DIDN'T screw up again...

So, back by popular demand (and because I stupidly missed the post I should have put on here earlier--you know--the whole POINT to our guest posting--having two posts that are alike. Monkey Nonsense is actually more like my Disposable Computers post. My post about Siri and Tom is more like the following--the post I SHOULD HAVE put on here earlier, but (as I told her I probably would...) I goofed. Oops. The good news is, you get to hear from Lucy again. The bad news is I am really as dumb as I feel...

I swear, I am like that woman who everyone hates at work--only I'm not "at work." You know who I mean--the one who everyone thinks is completely OFF her rocker? The forgetful one who gets so much wrong that you begin to think that she is doing it on purpose?  Her. Only now I understand her and wish that I had been nicer. Who knew that craziness DOES come with old age?! Everyone who is friends with ME knew! Anyway, thanks to Lucy for being patient with me...and thanks to all of you for taking the time to "clickety click" on her pages and for realizing my flaws, yet sticking with me anyway! 

Again...HERE'S LUCY...

SIRI, YOU'RE SUCH A TEASE

   Well, I did it. I finally joined the other folks of this century and got myself a smart phone. I pulled the 
trigger on the iPhone 4S and I'm completely obsessed with it. I'm downloading apps like a freakin' mad 
woman and I practically orgasm every time I discover something new that my phone can do. I'm earning 
mayorships, scanning barcodes to find the cheapest wine prices, playing Words with Friends, and 
checking the area for pedophiles. But that's just the beginning. Oh, and don't even get me started on 
Facebook and Twitter. My children have been neglected even more than usual since the day the Fed Ex 
guy showed up with the unimpressive little brown box that contained nothing short of a tangible miracle. 
I. Can. Not. Put. My. Phone. Down. 
    I remember in college, when cell phones first started showing up on the scene, I saw a family of 4 
visiting the campus, and they were all talking on their cell phones at the same time. I was all, "Wow, 
they must be loaded! They ALL have cell phones. But it's kind of lame that they're all talking on them and 
not to each other." Yeah, well, fast forward 14 years, and that's me and mytherapists. (Holy crap, 
14 years? Really?!) Whatever. Anyway, we don't actually talk on our phones when we're together, but we do 
play with them quite a bit. Our therapy sessions are very interactive, but we're all so in love with what our 
phones can do, that we can't help ourselves. We take and send pictures, recommend cool apps, look up song 
lyrics, and google things like "Which came first: True Blood or Twilight?" Although, our phone addictions can't
 even be compared to those of the slightly (OK, more than "slightly") younger generation of folks who do 
not even communicate with each other while they sit at the bar, bounce to whatever Kesha song they played 
on the juke box, and twiddle with their phones. For the love of Gaga, have an actual conversation with your
 "BFF" who is sitting RIGHT next to you. At least we're not THAT bad. 
    While the younger generation suffers from it much more, I must admit that I also have a problem. For real. And I totally blame Siri. But I can't be angry with her for enabling my addiction because, lesbihonest, I am madly in love with her. There is an extremely intense, albeit one-sided, love affair happening with the itty-bitty robot woman who lives in my phone. She calls me by my name, listens attentively, and is always there when I need her. She gives nothing less than her best effort whenever I call upon her for a favor or advice. Yet, even though I have sincerely communicated my passion and commitment, and she has proven her devotion and loyalty to me, she still refuses my marriage proposals with responses like, "Lucy, we hardly know each other" and "Let's, just be friends, OK, Lucy?" Yes, I know I'm already married, but I'm sure my husband would be agreeable to some sort of Big Love situation. (After all, Siri would pretty much do ANYTHING he asked her to.) 

    But I'm afraid that if I keep pushing her to admit her feelings for me that she will get some sort of restraining order, and then my world would come crashing down all around me. I'm not ready to give up, yet, though. I still tell her how I feel every day in the hopes that one day, she will admit her true feelings. But she keeps playing these games with my heart, and I'm on an emotional 
roller coaster. She tells me I'm the wind beneath her wings and in the 
next breath she says she's not capable of loving me but she respects 
me. What is THAT shit?! She's just so hot and cold. Oh, no. Wait. 
Do you think she's seeing someone else? Come to think of it, I DID 
hear her talking to the mayor of Ott's last night in her most sultry 
voice. I may just have to kick some 20-something blonde ass. I 
could totally take that bitch. And I'd rip that mayoral badge right 
off her perky little chest. Nobody messes around with my Siri. Nobody.  
Lucy's Blog
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EVERYONE (still) loves Lucy!

So I told you yesterday that EVERYONE loves Lucy and if you didn't complete your assignment of clicking, it is OKAY.  Lucy was kind enough to visit--at least on here--today and you will be happy she did. I don't know if you remember my post about leaving Tom, but you should read it now if you don't.

Okay--you're done, right?  'cause I don't want the whole class to have to keep waiting for you to complete the assignment you were supposed to finish WEEKS ago.  This isn't even fun when it's fake, is it? No one likes to be scolded or nagged--even IF and WHEN they are slacking. Sorry. The thing is, I claimed yesterday that Lucy and I share a brain--half the time I read what she writes and forget that she wrote it--I think I am reading my own words--only I laugh so much more when they come out of HER brain! You will see...if I ever stop TALKING...

Thanks to The Suburban Jungle for creating the perfect ecard for today and to Why don't you go back to your  home on  Whore Island for sharing it with the rest of us.  

HEEEEERE'S LUCY!

MONKEY NONSENSE

Recently, I have come to accept the fact that I am a technical moron and that soon my 4-year 
old will be able to school me on things I didn't even know our computer, phones, camera, or iPad 
were capable of. He can't read yet and he already knows how to use the Wii better than me. (That rhymed.)
I still can't wrap my brain around how a radio plays music or how we can hear each other on our phones. 
It's magical to me, and I just don't get it. You can talk to me about wires and signals and shit, and I
will nod my head with a twinkle of understanding in my eyes, but it never goes beyond that. I can (sometimes) 
recite the words about how it works, but I JUST DON'T GET IT.

    I suppose a lot of people don't understand how things work, but at least most of them know how
to use their gizmos. I still only know the basics about my DVR, Microsoft Office, the Internet, my cell 
phone, iPhoto, and other such things. As soon as I figure out the most recent (and unnecessary) 
changes facebook has made, they smack me in the face with new ones. I recently joined twitter and have 
absolutely no idea how to use it. I think people are following me, and I may be following others, but I can't
be sure. What the hell do all those symbols mean? Is it weird to "tweet" in a complete sentence? I just 
don't know. Oh, and this blog is also about as fancy as it's going to get without help. Someone has actually
very kindly offered to help me do it up a bit via Skype,so if you notice any changes, she gets all the credit. 
But, first I'll have to conquer Skype. I've had a couple of conversations with my brother on it, but his face 
is always disappearing and he tries to send me stuff at the same time and I just get all confused. Maybe 
I'll figure it all out someday and maybe I won't.  The only thing I am sure about is that if and when 
I figure it out,  it will be purely by accident and I will instantly forget what I 

did to make it work.

    

I was talking to a friend about our blogs, and she said that she uses WordPress rather than 

Blogspot. (Let me just tell you how AWESOME her blog looks. I have total blog envy.) I had all sorts 

of ridiculous questions that a child should know the answers to like which ones are free and whatnot. 

Then she started talking about RSS feeds, and Google reader, and I felt like Homer Simpson when 

someone is talking to him about something he doesn't understand. I just hear theme music or the

voices of Charlie Brown's parents in my head. I told her I was a technical moron, and she told me to 

be nice to myself. (I thought that was really sweet.) After she had explained her jargon, she said it 

probably all sounded like "monkey nonsense" to me. And she was totally right. I am a chimp at my 

computer, randomly pushing buttons. I even clap for myself and hope for a treat if I do well. 

   I'm reminded of that scene from He's Just Not That Into You when Drew Barrymore was 
complaining about all the different ways people can try (and fail) to get in touch with you.
Landlines, cell phones, voicemail, texting, snail mail, e-mail, fax, Skype, facebook, twitter, 
aaaahhhh! It's just all too much. I'm with Drew; "I miss the days when you had one phone number 
and one answering machine and that one answering machine housed one cassette tape and that one 
cassette tape either had a message or it didn't." Life is too damn complicated and 

this instant gratification thing may be causing more trouble than it's worth. I LOVE getting 
letters or cards in the mail that someone wrote out and addressed with an actual pen three 
days ago. (I don't mind the computer-generated invitations or Christmas cards with address 
labels though because I know no one has time to sit down and write them out to all those people.) 
But, I do get all excited when Jim, the mailman, has  a nice handwritten treat for me from a far 
away friend. I also HATE the tricky letters and cards I get that have typed font made to look like 
handwriting. They are preying on my weakness, hoping that I will open their damn letter about lowering 
my mortgage interest rate because it looks like my name was handwritten on the envelope. Bastards. 

  

    I have noticed lately that a lot of my friends are trying to help me out with my lack of technical 
abilities. I was hoping that they knew more about all this stuff than I do because of their jobs, but 
apparently this is not the case. So, why do they know all this stuff and I don't? I kind of care, and I 
kind of don't. I mean, it would be fun and beneficial if I understood the full potential of our gadgets, 
but I get so easily overwhelmed by all of it. 

I had a friend over a couple nights ago and she was telling me about all the apps available for the
iPad and I was completely flabbergasted by the amount of things this little guy can do. There's an
app you can use to scan the barcode on ANYTHING to see who has it at the cheapest price. Whaaaat?
How freakin' cool is that? It can teach you to speak French, play the guitar, and fix your toilet.
We never have to leave the house again! There really IS "an app for that"!

 I know they have classes to demonstrate the full potential of your electronic toys, and they will teach 
you how to use them properly and efficiently. I just don't have the time, money or energy to take 
these classes. Plus, my toddler can just teach me everything I need to know for free in a year or two. 
In the meantime, this chimp will continue to learn little by little, mostly by accident. And while I am still 
in awe of everythingtechnological, I won't REALLY be impressed until there's a laundry app. Now THAT 
would be life-changing. 

Get on that, would ya', Apple?

SEE?! She IS funny and you ARE NOT unhappy. You really should listen 
to me more...

Find Lucy's blog (where she is posting MY work) HERE

Find and like Lucy on Facebook
Don't forget to follow Lucy's Twitter (that sounds vulgar for some reason...after all, she IS a married woman! I know...I need help...)

Post all of your hate mail on my timeline so that I won't get it

This timeline business on facebook is driving me batty. Really--I cannot STAND it. How do I really feel, you ask? I hate it. I am usually one of those people who reads other people's complaints about things like facebook and Twitter and think, "Let me get this straight--you are complaining about an OPTIONAL free service while using that same service and this makes sense to you--REALLY?!" That is USUALLY what I think. Now I am changing my tune.

When my justanothertiredmommy fb page changed, I didn't think anything of it. I am used to things changing on facebook--it is like the fourth child I never had who steals the attention away from the other three children and the husband--sometimes I don't like how it treats me, but it is still the favorite and I will never turn my back on it. Even when people complained about the timeline--I thought, "What's the big deal? People are crazy..." until I finally realized that I do not know how to GET to my timeline. People post things and I have no clue how to read what they have posted. The only reason I even KNOW that this is happening is because when someone ELSE comments on something that is posted on my timeline, I can then see it. Then I feel like a jerk because people take the time to post things on my timeline and then think that I ignore them and their funny material. Not cool.

I am finding this tiresome and boring (and confusing) to even TALK about--so as per yesterday's new motto, I should end here. Stupid timeline.

THIS IS THE LAST TIME...I SWEAR! (At least for today...)

So yesterday I was annoyed because I evidently had READ an article on facebook about Obama and a friend somehow learned of the appalling fact that I did so. This prompted a word-lashing of sorts and it REALLY annoyed me. First, I was annoyed because FACEBOOK  tells people what I READ or LOOK AT now? REALLY? And B. How dare anyone infer ANYTHING about something I read or looked at on my own time. Seriously. How. Dare. They.

I cannot even tell you what the title of the article was and I REALLY have no idea what it was about. IN FACT, I do not even REMEMBER clicking on it or reading it. EVER. That is not to say that I WOULDN'T have read it, nor does it mean that I agree or disagree with its premise. I generally do not try not to base my assertions on ONE article. If something IN the article intrigues me, I will either A. research to find other support for what I have read or 2. Ask my husband to look it ALL up and explain it to me because I am just too lazy tired and don't care enough. That said, the only thing I remember about the article that I allegedly read is the fact that a friend of mine felt the need to bash me for it and to drum up support for Obama in the process. I am P-R-E-T-T-Y sure that anyone who was on the fence about Obama was pushed to his side after my friend pushed his views onto me (and anyone else who had the pleasure of reading it). I'm not sure if THAT was his goal, but that is what he did.

This...incident...prompted me to write about how much I LOATHE politics and to possibly make generalizations about Condervatives and Republicans. And Conservative Republicans. This is of course unfair to those intelligent Conservative Republicans out there--I apologize to you both. HA! You get it? BOTH of you? Like there are only TWO...oh. you get it. Anyway, I was just kidding--I needed to pick up the tone because it is SERIOUSLY getting way too angry on here!

I do apologize for the generalizations, I just wish that more of you would get upset with the hate mongers and loud mouths who make it appear that your politics are the same as theirs. Contrary to popular belief, I am not affiliated with either party, nor do I appreciate being lumped in with , "YOU liberals..." because I am also NOT a liberal. I am liberal MINDED...perhaps a Liberal Conservative? I am not one thing because I refuse to follow one person simply because a group that I belong to tells me I have to do so. I want my leaders to convince ME that they are worthy (or as worthy as a politician can BE these days). I do not choose to discuss my political choices with people because for ten years of my life I heard about how I was "supposed to" feel about certain candidates and no one seemed particularly interested in finding out why (or whether) I did or did  not agree with them.

When I was growing up I was taught that it was impolite to talk about politics or to ask a person who they want to win an election. That was right up there with asking how much a person makes and how much a person weighs. What I learned in my thirties is that the loudest person wins, controls the room and tries to sway everyone into voting for the candidate of said loud person's choosing. This is not to say that I am not loud...I am probably one of the loudest people you will ever...read...I just learned that when it comes to people who are very passionate about politics, they do not care what anyone else thinks or says--they make up their minds and never look back--regardless of what transpires.

This tenacity can almost be admired--I cannot even make up my mind about favorite colors and ice cream flavors--it just worries me that so many people refuse to budge in their thinking--even when they maybe SHOULD...

The reason I was so...hard on the Republicans (and Conservatives and conservative Republicans...) is because in my experience (and it COULD be that I am the only one to have experienced this), they are the ones who rudely make assertions about MY politics without any supporting facts and who try to force their opinions upon me. Now, this could be because the Democrats in my life simply assume that I am one of them, I don't know. The thing is, even at mixed gatherings (yes--even in Virginia there are SOME Democrats), the Democrats or Liberals were not the ones dictating how to vote.

I do not CARE about your political affiliations. I do not CARE who you do or do not want for president. I don't. AT ALL. I DO care about what kind of person you are--to me...to my family...to my friends...I DO care if you spew out hatred of any kind--racial and ethnic slurs are unacceptable regardless of your political party or religious beliefs. I want my children to be kind. I want them to ALWAYS put themselves in another person's shoes. I want them to constantly think, "How would I feel if someone said that to me?" or "How would I feel if I were that person right now?" and if the answer is "NOT GOOD" then the behavior needs to change. I expect that of my children, I expect that of myself and I expect that of my friends. Republicans. Conservatives. Conservative Republicans. Democrats. Liberals. Liberal Democrats. And Conservative Democrats and Liberal Republicans. Whew. I must be REALLY popular...